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About Dennis Girardi
Expertise
I can answer questions on family issues from the christian stand point. What to watch. What to do for fun. What to listen to. What to stay away from. I can help you build a strong relationship with your children and your spouse. I can help you with the child that has special needs. God first. Family second. Job third. I can also assist in fund-raising ideas and church events. I can also help you with ideas on church musicals and dramas.
Experience
I have been married for almost 20 years, and have three beautiful daughters. One of my daughters is a Special Education student. I was a youth leader and have directed many dramas and have written many musicals with my wife directing.
I have raised funds for our church for over 25 years.
Organizations
I coached baseball and travel hockey.
Education/Credentials
I have completed High School and have taken many college classes.
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You are here: Experts > Religion/Spirituality > Christianity - Protestantism > Pentecostals > family matters
Expert: Dennis Girardi - 9/6/2008
Question
I am a 45 yr. divorced woman that has was married for 23 yrs. to an alcoholic.
There was nothing but verbal abuse from my ex and then he would tell me he was
sorry and that he loved me. I have been dating a divorced man with 3 children.
(15,12,9) The children live with their mom and they attend a Pentecostal Church.
I love my boyfriend and we have been dating for a year, but we are both afraid
of marriage right now. (Both had bad marriages with a bad divorce) He gave up
everything in his divorce hoping that his ex would allow him to see his kids
more than the judge permitted. (Every other weekend) He is trying to rebuild his
life financially. He was living with his mom, then worked out of town and now
working in town and living with me. We do love each other very much and we have
not dated anyone else since meeting. But the kids mom doesn't want the kids to
stay here because we are not married. My boyfriend shows little or no affection
towards me around them because he is concerned that when she finds out, then she
won't let them see him more than the 4 days per month. I feel like a hypocrite
because I am being forced to be one way while the kids are here, yet I am
another way when they aren't. I am having troubles dealing with that.
Yesterday, she fussed at my boyfriend because last weekend his sister and her
boyfriend flew down from Chicago, got in here at 4 am., and slept in the same
bed together. The kids and their dad was asleep with doors shut in the other two
bedrooms and I slept on the couch. I believe in teaching our kids abstinence,
but I also teach them to not judge others. If someone is not doing as I feel is
the right way to live, then I pray for them. I don't judge them. Please give
me some insight on how to handle this situation. And do I wait indefinitely to
be close to my boyfriend while the kids are around? I just don't know how I
should handle this situation. I believe that all people should leave mom and
dad to get married and then make love. (Not just sex) But, unfortunately, I am
a 45 yr. old divorced woman that had a emotionally bad marriage and is not sure
that she wants to get married again for a very long time. Please help me with
this.
Answer
Hey Phyllis,
I don't know if you are gonna like what I am going to say.
I pretty much agree with the mom of the three children. I would not want my three kids in the environment of 2 single people sleeping in the same bed or my on-married ex, showing touchy-feely affection on the couch in front of them.
I think that the fact that the mom is in church and the dad is not, is a big part of the problem. Going with dad, who is the biggest male influence in a child's life, is a scary thing for a mom. There is always a chance that he may fight for custody down the road..
Your boyfriend is just playing the game and doing what he has to do to not make waves. This is a good thing.
You can both solve many problems by getting married, then you can show more affection in front of the kids. Living together is not in God's will. You are quite fortunate that she allows the kids to come over at all, considering the living situation. Some call it "Living in Sin," you know.
Good Luck Phyllis, I hope you understand what I am trying to say. The mom just wants what's best for the kids of her life. They mean the world to her, I am sure. Thou we know the father loves them very much, there is nothing like a mother's love.
Good Luck again.. Keep in touch..
Dennis
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