Personal Empowerment/Feeling disrespected
Hello and thank you for your help in advance.
Im in a 3 year relationship and we live together. Lately Im feeling really disrespected and like Im being treated unfairly. It got to the point where I couldn't deal with it anymore and I exploded.
Heres some examples,
If I show him or tell him something Im excited about sometimes he will reply with a rude "I don't care!!" which makes me feel insignificant and unimportant.
When I talk to him he constantly interrupts me, I feel like Im unimportant and what I have to say is not important but that what he has to say is more important. Even if he's not interested in what I have to say I don't like the interruption. Im not always interested in what he has to say but I still hear it through.
I've brought this up several times but nothing changes.
He told me if me, or one of my cats ever does any damage to one of his guitars or computer, it needs to be replaced promptly, he doesn't care how I get the money or what sacrifices I need to make it will be replaced asap.
I told him then he will respect my things as well. I let him know that if his new puppy (that I didn't want) chews up my couch or any furniture, he will replace it. He said "we will see, if the damage isn't that bad it won't need replacing" Excuse me??
So I feel as though my property is not respected but his better damn well be. Apparently his stuff is more important than mine.
He got a puppy. I told him I have no problem with this as long as I am not taking care of it..just like I don't expect him to be responsible for my cats, like cleaning litter boxes etc.
Alls I asked is if the dog chews up any of my property he will replace it (as I said above) and that I don't want to be responsible for cleaning up her messes constantly. So when he leaves me alone with her and I need to go do something like work out, or go to bed and I do the right thing by crating her and she urinates all over herself he gets completely upset with me. I never volunteered to give up going to bed or working out to watch his dog. Im tired of getting yelled at everytime his dog does something and I don't notice it or God forbid, I go work out or go to bed. I never signed up for this. I never wanted a dog because of those reasons and he agreed he will look after her. But now Im the one getting yelled at over her. So Im resenting the dog and him. Even when I do the right things, I get yelled at.
These are some of the biggest issues but I don't feel respected, I resent him, if I speak up then he gets mad at me and brings up my faults. Im not happy anymore. I feel like I miss having my own place. Alls I ask is for respect but I don't think he sees any of this as a problem. How can I handle this before I end up leaving?
I am happy to offer you my reflections and feedback.
The first thing to make note of is that we are currently living in a highly charged time period in the history of the world and our collective human consciousness right now. Another way of saying this is that little things will have a tendency to bother us more right now than previously in life.
Many people are finding that they need their own space to collect, center, and empower themselves right now. It's difficult when you have some collective emotional charges between you and your partner, but you don't have any space or time to let it diffuse. So every day when one of you get's home there becomes almost an anticipation of the potential problems or things to find fault with each other.
However, the boundary drawing that you guys are currently engaged in is potentially one of the most detrimental or telling signs of a relationship that needs to end. It's always possible in any given moment to salvage a relationship and come together on issues. You never know when just doing some meditation together or taking a little trip together could diffuse the whole thing.
My feeling about you guys is that, if you are to the point where you are demanding conditions from each other, it beyond this.
Here is what I would do if it were me:
I would perhaps not take the drastic action of breaking up just yet, but I would begin to see if I could secure my own place to live. What needs to happen is that there needs to be some space, some breathing room for each of you to relax, let your guards down, and center yourselves. It might not be economically feasible, but the alternative is a sort of psychic smothering that eventually leads to 'blow ups' where suddenly you guys are at each other's throats. No fun. And worse, detrimental to your lives and well being.
Also, I would begin to engage in 15 minutes of meditation each morning as well. In doing this you will also become less reactive and more conscious when the shit hits the fan.