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Personal Empowerment/Hurt by ex's engagement


Yesterday, I learned that a very significant ex boyfriend is planning to be married this summer. Although he ended the relationship almost a year and a half ago and I thought I had worked through the pain, I was surprised to find this news really hurt me. I am crying a lot and can't sleep.

He and I dated for over two years. From the start he insisted that he knew we would get married. He pressured me to move in with him almost immediately; shortly after I finally gave in and did so (significantly reordering my life in the process), he very suddenly broke up with me. We are both in our late 20s.

I do not want him back. In retrospect, i see that he was controlling and short-tempered and it is probably best that he ended things. Perhaps I am hurt because I spent more time in a relationship with him than his current fiancee and he never formally proposed, despite his repeated statements about our future marriage.
Part of the pain I feel is probably also because I resent that he is apparently very happy, despite all the pain he caused me, while I am still single and hurting.

Why am I still so affected by news of his forthcoming marriage and how do I move past this? I don't want this failed relationship to be a defining part of my life, but I am really struggling now just to get through the day without totally breaking down.  Thanks for your help!

Hello Sophie,
often even after we have ended a relationship there is a part of us which is still unconsciously emotionally attached.  This is very common and happens to almost everyone in the span of their lifetime.

However, what is not really understood, is that the original wound did not come from this particular person, but is from during childhood.  It is the separation which is what causes us pain and the feeling of rejection/abandonment.

The quick route is to understand that the pain is as a result of a suppressed emotional charge from childhood and that a quick Emotional Integration Session will do the trick.

Here is your exercise to do:
Find a quiet place to sit and be still where you will not be disturbed for at least 15 minutes.  Sit, get quiet and take a couple deep breaths.  Now, see if you can allow yourself to visualize him with her, they are happy, making plans to spend their lives together, and in love.  Now, answer the following 'yes'/'no' questions taking a moment with each one...

1-Could you allow yourself to welcome them to both be here with you now? (Be emotionally honest, answer how you feel either yes or no, take a moment with each question)

2-And now, just for a second, could you let them go?

3-And, just for a second, would you be willing to let them go?

4-If not now, then when would you?

5-Take a look inside and see how you feel about their happiness together.  What thoughts, feelings, images, emotions do you have circulating around inside of you.  And, now, go back to #1 and repeat this a few times.  Always be emotionally honest in your answer and try to take at least a minute on each one.

Then, get back to me after 7 days of doing this for 15 minutes at least once/day and let me know how it went Sophie :)

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Christopher A. Pinckley, cpt


Christopher A. Pinckley is the author of the spiritual self-help book Reality Creation 101 rated ‘5 Stars’ by Amazon Top 10 Reviewers. He is also the founder of the blog HolisticFitness4U ( as well as the founder of the breakthrough coaching program Reality Creation Coaching (RCC). Christopher’s view is that we are here to have fun, be creative, and fulfill our destiny. To find out more about his breakthrough coaching program and schedule your first free 20 minute session please email



I am entirely self taught and learned everything from living on the streets, reading books, and then applying it in my own life. This is the power of 'me' in that if you do not have a college degree, a professional resume, a list of contacts, a safety net, or family support then do not worry, neither did I!

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