Personal Empowerment/How can I get over this?
I come to you today with a major problem. I have the biggest crush on a female cashier at my local meat market. I went to high school with her (we're both 18) but we've never actually met, despite having some mutual friends. I wasn't attacted to her then but now for some reason I can't stop thinking about her. It's like I see her in a whole new light. The only problem is that I'm really shy around her. When I go to buy something at this market and I'm about to check out my heart starts racing and I can't speak. I guess I have this problem with her because I don't know her and since all my past girlfriends have been friends before I have no experience in approaching women. So my two questions are:
1. How can I get myself to act right infront of her without feeling like I'm going to pass out?
And BQ if you can answer it.
2. How can I find out if she's interested and attract her?"
Hey there James,
sounds like you have what a lot of people suffer from, both men and women. It's sort of a fear of confrontation/potential for rejection/humiliation. Almost, more than anything, it becomes the fear of the unknown. Fear that you don't know how she is going to react, what she is going to say, and if she is going to reject/humiliate you for approaching.
I remember when I was young I was the most timid little kid around. It took me years and years before I got to the point where I could approach and talk to a woman without actually shaking with fear. To know me now you would never think that, right? But that's the point is that it took a long time before I was comfortable to even talk to girls I knew, let alone girls I didn't. So first thing is don't be too hard on yourself about this. Many men (and women) started off right where you are now.
Now, what to do....?
The first thing that I would do is to try to work through the fear a little bit with some emotional release exercises. I would visualize going to talk to her, then the worst possible thing happens, she can't stand you. In fact, she yells at you and tells you to get out of the store! Terrible, right? Yet, this is a great way to work through and release fear around an issue. If you visualize this scenario (or worse if you can think of something) and are able to fully allow it to surface without reacting to it, you will actually burn through the nervous fear and feel more centered and grounded when you do go to talk to her. It may seem strange, but it works. This is what the Zen Buddhists, the hard core ones who live deep in the mountains I mean, refer to as 'burning through your karma'. Kind of a tough exercise, but if you can do it, wow you will be so much more solid!
The other thing you can do is, right before you go in to make first contact, do this:
1-Sit outside somewhere close by for around 5 minutes with your eyes closed.
2-Breathe in and whisper 'so' in your mind.
3-Breathe out and whisper 'hum' in your mind.
4-Breath in and out of the nose only.
5-When you come out of it you will suddenly realize that you feel much more calm. From here you will actually be more centered and grounded when you go to talk to her. You will not feel as much of the fear and you will say more intelligent, less reactive things to her.
Ok, so you have your assignments James. Let me know how it goes! :)
P.S. If you don't share other activities together in life then it will be hard to gauge if she is attracted to you without going to make first contact with her. So, probably you will simply have to do the exercises and then man up and go talk to her. Either way, you will become stronger for doing this and better equipped to deal with the complex subject of meeting women ;)
And, what is a BQ...?