Personal Empowerment/depressed?

Advertisement


Question
"Hi my names Ian, I may have written to you before a long time ago, anyway I hope you can help with my problem. I don't have alot of friends, but am very close with a very select few people from highschool till now. Anyway, in the last year and a half, I've been seeing(and hearing)my friends get into relationships, then engaged, and finally married( tho one friend got married then soon divorced) and in 2 weeks one of my best friends( who's pretty much the bother I never had) is getting married( the wedding was to be on Canada Day, but him and the girlfriend moved it ta 2 weeks from now. While I'm happy for both of them, I'm also kinda getting depressed cause it just seems like everyone I know ( including my biological brother) has had some kind of relationship experience, and while I do try with some girls, it never goes in my favor( always just end up in the "Friend Zone") and yet I try so hard with these girls. I'm also getting a depressed cause this friend's wedding, will be the 3rd wedding I've been to in a little over a year and a half( the other 2 were the guy who got divorced and the one friends sister's). Is it normal to feel this way? How can I look at this in a positive way?"

Answer
Hello Ian,
Sorry for the delay in responding to your question. I never saw it on time.
As regards the issue of depression, it is not abnormal for one to feel what you are feeling. I do get depressed too, but what so important is how to come out of it. Looking at your peers getting into good relationships that eventually end up in marriage and you are there still struggling to get into a steady relationship can be quite frustrating and depressing, because you may be looking at yourself as a failure.
On the contrary, you are not a failure Ian, because we all have our different path in life. Some may find certain things easy, while others may struggle and eventually get it right. As regards the issue of relationship, it takes a lot of patience and good luck to get the right partner. When you eventually get her, all you need to do is try to be as nice to her and express yourself the best way you can to each other. Most times, your partners may be the reason for the relationship not working, but in general, it takes both partners for the relationship to work. You alone cannot make it work.
Free your mind of any negative feelings and try to clear your head of things that may tend to weigh you down. Its difficult starting a fresh relationship after coming off an unsuccessful one, but without trying, there is no way one can succeed.
Some few suggestions you might find useful.
1. Try to package yourself the best way you can so that ladies will find you attractive
2. Focus more on your partner and less on yourself. Ladies need attention more than you can imagine
3. Never allow the past failure to deprive you of the joy of starting afresh.
4. Be involve in more outdoor activities like sports, games, voluntary works and other activities that involve groups. By so doing, you will be gradually relieving all negative thoughts from your system.
5. We are all different. No two persons are the same. Our destinies are different. So never you tie the success or failure of your relationship to your friends apron. When the right time and person comes, you will get in the flow and hopefully all will end well.
6. Depression is not abnormal as long as you don't dwell too long in your depressed state. Its like asking someone never to worry. Its impossible to ask that of someone. As long as we are human, we all get worried or depressed once in a while, but we must never allow our spirit to be crushed beyond the breaking point. We must rise above that depressed state and take up the challenge to do what we feel may be a challenge.
Wishing you all the best Ian and do stay strong my friend

Personal Empowerment

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


clement sadjere

Expertise

I can answer question revolving round self development, self esteem, mentoring,overcoming fear, overcoming shyness,how to stay positively motivated, how to become a better person and issues relating to personality development.

Experience

i have been involved in organizing self-empowerment seminars and training in the past six years with tangible evidence of people getting empowered and making success in their chosen career. i am also involved in helping youths and entrepreneurs in my local church via special teachings on empowerment. I have been a regular contributor to online and offline print and electronic media on issues relating to empowerment.

Organizations
Nigeria Football Referee Association, Geregu Power PLC, The Redeemed Christian Church of God

Publications
http://ezinearticles.com www.wikihow.com www.selfgrowth.com www.scribd.com www.buzzle.com www.articlesbase.com www.ideamarketers.com

Education/Credentials
Bachelors Degree in Electrical/Electronics Engineering Diploma Degree in Computer Science Certificate in System Electrical Operations

Awards and Honors
1.Certificate of Achievement awarded for completion of the "100 articles in 100 Days marathon challenge(#HAHD)" January 10, 2011- April 19,2011 by Ezine Articles. 2.Certificate of Achievement awarded for completion of the "100 articles in 100 Days marathon challenge(#HAHD)" September 23, 2010- December 31,2010 by Ezine Articles

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.