Personal Empowerment/how to conquer loneliness
QUESTION: Hello Maam,
I am 35 year old woman, not yet married. I feel extremely lonely since past 1 year. ALl my friends are married and many of them are settled and have babies too.
I have a boyfriend whom my parents dont like because of reasons like caste, background. Also few years back in 2013 , i tried to elope with him but my mom said wait for sometime, she will talk to his family and we can get married properly, She retracted later and then from that day onwards my relation with him is getting worse. Then whenever we tried to marry , he would come up with my past mistakes and start abusing me. This would make me loose my confidence and i would back out of marriage.
I come home from work and my parents dont talk anything else except marriage. They say you leave him or listen to us. I stare at a blank wall at home. No one to talk to. At times i tell my parents
When my boyfriend gets frustrated , he has a habit of writing abusing language and venting out all his frustration to me, that i keep wondering why am i in this relation.
At night i keep checking facebook, whatsapp and keep crying that people look so happy and have moved on in their lives, but iam still stuck with no marriage, no kids . I know that this social media doesnt give a real picture of whats going on in peoples lives . But to be honest i still feel jealous and lonely. Hardly any friends call me.Everyone is either busy in their lives or have moved on to other friends.
Also i have spoilt my health badly. I have become fat and i keep eating junk. I look at myself in the mirror and cry that what have i made myself.
I want get out of this depression, these feelings of loneliness.
Request your help
ANSWER: Hello jyotsana,
I felt touched going through your story. It was a sad one i must confess, but not a hopeless one. There are certain things we cannot get real answers for, and when you were wondering why others were living happily and yours was different, i knew in my mind, that there is no direct answer to your question.
we are all made different and no two persons are exactly the same.
our destinies in life are quite different from others, hence we must not use others to measure our level of success in life.
Those you think are living happily may still have their own challenges that are not known to you.
We cannot be happy in life when we hold grudge against others. In this case, you are not happy with your parent and you are also not happy with your boyfriend.
Try and let go of any resentment you have against them so that you can have inner peace and joy.
The next step is to develop a culture of inner happiness. Note that no single person on planet earth can make you happy unless you allow them. You have a responsibility to make yourself happy.
Do things that will make you happy. Play games. Go shopping. Go swimming. Take a vacation or go to somewhere quiet and meditate.
Try to forget about your peers and focus more on productive stuffs that will enhance your life.
Finally, everything in life has its time and season. I believe that at 35, you are not too old to find real love. When you chose not to worry about how old you are and about your relationships, these challenges will eventually go away and you will discover true happiness and inner peace.
wishing you all the best
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
Thank u so much maam..I feel a lot more better n inspired..I do try to take care of myself and try to learn new things but somewhere that age factor and not being settled till now keeps coming in my mind..also part of the problem is that I have been in two boats since a very long time ..I know my boyfriend since 8 years..nowadays he has mellowed down quite a lot and has promised me that he will not abuse me again..but my parents will never accept him..
I think life is much more than relationships..but without having happy rekationships one tends to feel depressed..
I quite understand the points you raised about the challenges of not having a stable relationship. It is however important to note that ones happiness does not entirely depends on a happy relationship. As much as possible, you should channel your energy and time to other areas of your life. By so doing, life will become more meaningful.