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Personal Empowerment/How to improve my confidence

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QUESTION: Hi
 
I wanted to ask you,I returned to College as a mature student of 35. And it's my 2nd year in the College, at the beginning of this year. I think because it was all new and different in that,had new subjects and meeting new people in my class. My confidence was very high in being excited delighted to be back to the College. Three friends from last year also came back to do a second year. As the year went on one by one of my friends from last year left the course. Have now got to know others but it's not really the same. I think when they left my sense of security left also. Put particularly with one friend of the three we got on really well. She brought out of me who I am, felt comfortable having her around. Felt confident to express myself, this confidence  had be more comfortable to speak out in class. To speak to others in class because I felt good within. A guy I like in the class at that time, when I was in a good positive confident mind. Really liking be back to, I had no issue with making an effort to make conversation with him. As the year went on class {assignments} subjects kinda put a dampner on, the enjoying being back feeling. And family matters kinda sucked the energy out me, also.So keeping up my feeling good confidence dropped. The guy I like and I think likes me notices I think, me not being so chatty.And in turn hesitates to talk to me, for me to be talking with him like I was at the beginning, it's not happening a lot. With my positive confidence enjoying college is gone, would like to have it back. The confidence state, because it helped me so much to be around the guy I really like, to get back feeling of ease talking with him. He's chatting to every other girl but and its because I'm not very open confident as I once was, it makes him uncomfortable to talk to me.  Thanks for your help ! What can I do?

ANSWER: hello julie-ann
Two things are involved here- Your academics and your relationship. Both should never be mixed up.
Talking about your academics, it is important that you learn how to get new friends as your old friends go away. Having friends in schools helps in your reading, assimilation and also in helping out with assignments. Its okay for you to mix your former friends , try by all means to be friendly with other students. If you need people to love and care about what you doing, you need to show them love and care in return. Get out of you shell and be warm towards others. Life is an adventure and as long as you keeping to yourself, you making things a bit miserable.
Back to the second issue of relationship with the guy who likes you, its a natural thing for a guy to get attracted to someone who is lively and very active. Some guys don't want to carry burden at the initial stage of any relationship. Its no surprise that the guy decided to let you be and went for others who were a lot more friendly.
Don't allow family issues or anything for that matter rob you of your love life. When all things are settled, you still need someone to stand by your side and encourage you one way or the other.
Find time to chat with him again and apologies for been a bit distant. Explain to him what has been happening to you and try to pick it up from there.
wishing you all the best

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Clement
Thank you for your great reply back, you mentioned to find time.
To chat to the guy I like  again and apologies for been a bit distant.
When we do talk its not for very long {waiting to go into class etc..} when I do start a conversion he replies back but it's not face to face and very little eye contact. Or he'll try but its short, but he'll talk away face to face with others laugh etc... then I get opposite it's like gets boost of confidence .This behaviour from him has been like this way before conversions went quite between us. If I was like that, lack of eye contact kinda uncomfortable to someone, it's more likely because I fancy the person. And I do notice in myself of me doing that to him . To add to that,  I was talking away to a girl in class before class started. I saw him at the corner of my eye talking to others on his side of the room. And occasionally he would look over now and again at me . As he's talking back to who he's talking with. Then on Wednesday again during a class. The teacher was calling out every ones names to see who is in or not. As soon as I said here to the teacher that I'm here for the class. The guy I like is sitting in the same row two people between us. After saying here to the teacher  I happened to  look to my left side to catch  him looking at me & he didn't look away. Week before that, everyone was waiting to go into class. I'm standing 4 feet away in front him and there is himself and girl {friend} looking straight at me. As she says to him in his ear she's....and she's ....and she dress's well. And they clearly see I'm looking at them and they're looking right at me. He's standing there agreeing  to everything she's saying with a warm smile on his face.  How can I introduce getting back into chatting with him. Example;When in groups direct conversions over to him or site beside him for example. He will feel uncomfortable, confused because of me being not chatty to out of the blue chatting. How to soften to get back into chatting him?

Thanks again !

ANSWER: Hello Julie-ann,
Am glad you found my initial advice very usueful. Back to the question you raised about how to go about chatting up with him, i would like to advice you take it bit by bit.
Don't ever sound too desperate, so that you don't end up devaluing yourself before him. Girls carry so much glamour and elegance with them and you should not be an exception.
Don't ignore him whenever he is within hearing distance from you- A polite hello and a warm smile will suffice. Ask how he is doing, about his studies and just few chit chat about school. Not too deep and too personal.
Try to maintain a good eye contact with him, but don't impose yourself on him. Play the hard to get and focus more on your self dignity, your nice and cool dressing, your academics and your general well-being. One secret about relationships, is that most guys admire girls who are very intelligent academically. If he notices that you are exceptionally brilliant, he will not only respect you, but will look for every opportunity to share from your fountain of knowledge.
The best way to really pull him magnetically, is not via your physical beauty, but via your exceptional character. At every opportunity, try to be nice with him and let him know you do care. If he truly loves you, he will reciprocate the warm gesture.
In all these, try not to appear too desperate for his attention. Focus on other productive stuffs- Class assignment, outdoor events, making new friends and just being yourself. If he notices that you are not in dire need of his company, he may want to change the game plan and draw nearer to find out whats going on.
Love is a sweet game and you hold all the ace Julie-ann. Use all the ace to your advantage and enjoy yourself to the fullest.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks again, Clement
I will differently try all that you mentioned, the last bite you mentioned.With playing hard to get & to focus on other things, if he notices that. I'm not in dire need of his company, he may want to change the game plan.

Only thing about that is,what I've noticed from him, if I don't talk to him.He does not start up a conversion, in order words, from what I've noticed.He's seems to be working of my behaviour in that, if I'm distant or not chatty he is the same . I think he thinks "she's not interested to talk to me " or when he is in class doing computer work. He'd hesitate, I probably look busy to him and at times though. In that class he'll be chatty and laugh to some girl beside him or to another's in front of him etc... Odd time then, I'd notice, he'd look back at his computer after to talking to who ever. And he does this kinda slyly {corner of his eye} look at me then back to his computer. Or he'll do that, then take up a college paper we're working on for that class, to ask a question about it to me. There has been the same behaviour like this over a good while from him. Puzzled how he's loaded with confidence with others {GIRLS} chatting & to me. There is small attempts made, I think I must give a "don't talk to me" vib, I am just a calm relaxed person. From what I mentioned in last question of his behaviour doing the eye contact & his friend talking to him. Is it signs he likes me? Q; How can I encourage him more? Q How can I deal with seeing him get on really well with another girl, better?   THANKS !

Answer
Hello Julie-ann
He obviously has a crush on you, but does not know how to go about it.
You too have not helped him in anyway due to your lack of encouragement.
You can encourage him more by trying to find what he loves most and showing more interest in those areas.
He chats freely with other girls because they have developed a chemistry between themselves. You should not be jealous in anyway if you really want to be friends with him, because jealousy tears relationships apart and men don't really feel comfortable around ladies who are jealous.
Even if he hangs around lots of girls, never feel threatened. Just be comfortable with yourself and relate freely with him. If he knows you don't feel  envious, it will change his perception about you.
Finally, confidence does not come overnight. It takes time to build. Try to take it one day at a time and gradually, you will achieve that confidence you so desire

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clement sadjere

Expertise

I can answer question revolving round self development, self esteem, mentoring,overcoming fear, overcoming shyness,how to stay positively motivated, how to become a better person and issues relating to personality development.

Experience

i have been involved in organizing self-empowerment seminars and training in the past six years with tangible evidence of people getting empowered and making success in their chosen career. i am also involved in helping youths and entrepreneurs in my local church via special teachings on empowerment. I have been a regular contributor to online and offline print and electronic media on issues relating to empowerment.

Organizations
Nigeria Football Referee Association, Geregu Power PLC, The Redeemed Christian Church of God

Publications
http://ezinearticles.com www.wikihow.com www.selfgrowth.com www.scribd.com www.buzzle.com www.articlesbase.com www.ideamarketers.com

Education/Credentials
Bachelors Degree in Electrical/Electronics Engineering Diploma Degree in Computer Science Certificate in System Electrical Operations

Awards and Honors
1.Certificate of Achievement awarded for completion of the "100 articles in 100 Days marathon challenge(#HAHD)" January 10, 2011- April 19,2011 by Ezine Articles. 2.Certificate of Achievement awarded for completion of the "100 articles in 100 Days marathon challenge(#HAHD)" September 23, 2010- December 31,2010 by Ezine Articles

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