Expert: Bill and Lorna Collings - 6/5/2005

Question
Hello Again
I have spoken to you before. As you may remember I am going over to The Philippines in August to meet my very dear friend Marilyn, with the intention of getting married. However I feel I may have a problem here. I have to apply here for a Certificate of No Impediment, which basically states that I am legally entitled to marry (that is not the problem of course), BUT I think there is going to be a problem in The Philippines. I plan to travel on August 12th, and I arrive in Manila on 13th August. My Fiancee says we must go to the Embassy there in Manila on Monday 15th August to register our marriage. Apparently after so many weeks the consulate then issues us with a new Certificate, which allows us to marry BUT I'm worried there will not be enough time. I am only in The Phils until the 7th September. Can you see where I'm coming from? Marilyn thinks that this marriage is going to be a formality, but I've tried to explain to her that unless the legal considerations are met, we will not be able to get married. Can you please advise me on this marriage issue, as you seem to be in the perfect position to do so..since your own marriage is from two different countries.
My next query is something a little bit more personal. I am just wondering whether or not in Philipino culture it is usual for the man to pay for everything. She tells me that in The Phils, the grooms family pay for everything (however that is not possible in my case, so what it boils down to, is that I personally have to pay for everything). Is this true? I don't mind spending money on the woman I love but every little bill that comes along she automatically refers it to me. She never even offers to pay. She never even offers to share any expense even. I'm not sure she is all that poor either as she lives in a nice house, and has items such as a personal computer etc. She works in a market, but won't tell me how much she earns for some reason. Please don't think I'm insulting my fiancee, but this is one issue that really does need sorting out.
I would be very grateful for your help here. Thank you for your time,
James

Answer
Hi James, Last week one of our guests from Texas, Mark filed his at the US Embassy and said it was quite easy and quick but still took him about a half a day. But he referred to it as a "Legal Capacity" document just meaning that he is NOT presently officially married to anyone anywhere. I am fairly sure you can get the same thing done in the States but you can visit or join the yahoogroup, "MAG-ANAK" ( means "family" in Filipino ) and ask the mmebers there which are experts on all these visa processing documents OR also go join the forum at Bob Lingerfelt's website, ASAWA ( means spouse ): http://www.filipinawives.com  all of the members there are also very helpful.

In regards to payment of the wedding expenses culturally the man pays for everything and double that is the fact that you are an American from a prosperous country and 90% of the people of the undeveloped countries think we're all "rich" ( they don't know about the incredible high cost of living , taxes etc ). Normal working class salaries here in the Philippines range from P3000 to P8000 ( U$58 to U$145 )/ month or about U$ 1000 to U$2000 / year. It's VERY difficult to work these things out in a long distance relationship or when your "window" of time together is so short BUT is something VERY important you NEED to consider BEFORE you "tie the knot", if you know what I'm saying; otherwise you might have future regrets.

My wife, Lorna and I met in Seoul,S. Korea, lived, traveled internationally and did business together for 2 years 24/7, based in Hong Kong before getting married; but we are quite different from 99% of the mixed married couples we know and have been exposed to during the last 20+ years. We did have a "visa" marriage FIRST after my wife, Lorna, was refused a tourist visa so she could get an immigrant visa so she could visit and meet my family, see where I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa etc and we could travel the States for 3 months. Then we had the FORMAL church wedding at San Augustine Church in Intramuros in Manila old Spanish fort city, one of the oldest if not thE oldest chuch in the philippines where many famous people have been married; we both agree that it was the MOST expensive ( not by USA standards ) MOST boring party of our lives.