Philippines/Age Difference and Background/Character
Steve wrote at 2007-01-12 15:26:42
I wish to add a bit of friendly advice and wisdom to any man wanting to marry a Filipino woman.
I just turned 60. I just got married to a Filipino in Cebu on November 16, 2006. I met my wife who just turned 21, on a dating website called Cherry Blossoms in early October 2006. We chatted every day online and I became bewitched by her and I immediately fell in love with her. I was especially impressed because she did not exhibit the same traits as other Pinays such as asking for money or attempts at scamming. I had a bad experience for 4 years on the internet being hit up by scammers. I was also impressed that she worked her way through college working at Jollibees (the Filipino verson of McDonalds hamburgers). She got a teaching job right after graduation.
I decided to meet her in person, so I flew to Cebu on November 1, 2006. She looked even better in person. It's remarkable how a person can be so much different meeting them in person verses through a computer screen.
I met her family and relatives. The first thing I noticed is that Filipinos are not like Americans in the way that conversations are conducted and the proper things to say in a conversation. I was asked the following questions by relatives: Are you meeting any other girls in Cebu? What plans do you have for Cristina?
I was also told that by the mother that she wishes that Cristina and I get a Civil marriage now.
I decided to marry Cristina and immediately, one of her relatives, Aunt Neda, found a "Fixer" for me,(a person that expediates a Civil Marriage). within 5 days all arrangements were made and Cristina and I were married.
I was very happy that I believed I found the love of my life. I went back to the USA in anticipation of getting a Spousal Visa for Cristina so she can come to the USA and live with me.
Then the nightmare started. My wife starting asking for money for ridiculous things like " I want my own apartment to live away from my parents so I can feel like a married woman" She said "I need 15,000 pesos a month for that". Please note that the average salary in the Philippines is 5,000 pesos a month. I told her she will be in America shortly and moving away from your parents just for a few months is not sensible. I was already giving support money she had asked for after the wedding. There were other requests that also appeared to be fabricated to obtain money for nonsense reasons.
I told her I will send additional money over what I had originally agreed to only if it was a legitimate request for essentials (i.e. food, medicine etc.)
My wife's disposition changed radically. She became hostile and abrasive. I believe that she was put up to ask for money by her relatives. When she failed to bring in money, her sweet personality changed into that of a demon.
My happiness of marrying my wife have turned into despair and unhappiness to the point I wish to divorce her ASAP.
The point of this story I told is simple. If you marry a Filipina, be prepared to open up your wallet. When you marry a Filipina, you marry her family. If you can not handle that type of situation, do not marry a Filipina. In my opinion, Filipino women are incapable of love for a man because their true God is money. A Filipino woman's main goal in life is to support her family and siblings. There is some sacred un-written rule that mandates complete dedication to her family. The Western husband is nothing to her but a means of getting money. If she does not get what she wants, she will dump him.
Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware Beware
Ms.MB17 wrote at 2008-09-14 13:08:12
well i just want to add something on here. I just think it so unfair for to generalized all filipina are not capable to give real love. I understand why you feel that way because you had a bad experience with your wife and im sorry to hear that, but not all filipina are the same, not all filipina is like your wife.
I am a filipina and engaged to my fiance I also met him in May 2006 started getting to know each other, became friends, sharing ideas and plans and eventually fell inlove, its not a one day process, it takes time to develop love and trust. I know its not easy for him to trust me because i am a filipina as many people say that filipina just want greencard and money. He sometimes tell me some stories similar to yours. It hurts me inside because i feel like he have so many doubt on our relationship,but i know he just want to open up my eyes to reality.But all his stories about filipina help me to know myself better,because of that I started asking myself, like "Do i really love this man? do i think i will stay within the relationship if he is not sending me money?do i really want him to be my husband if he doesnt have all the material things he have now" and all of my answer to this question is YES i really love my man and i will stay even without his money, i will marry him even he dont own a house and car, I LOVE THE MAN NOT THE MONEY.
Then we meet in person on SEPT 2007 after 1 year and 4 months of waiting and longing to see him for real. I feel like im the happiest woman on earth when i see him walkig towards me, I cant believe that the angel on my screen is finally here in the Philippines. he is the same american guy i met online, very nice,kind and polite, the only difference is he is more handsome in person, he seap me off my feet. we spent 6 happy days together,some of the days we spent with my family, although my mom and siblings are all shy to talk ,but my fiance was able to handle the situation really well,he tried to understand what they are saying although its in tagalog, he get along well with my family. This thing really makes me happy.
Like what you said filipina are dedicated to their family yes that very true, but not with the way you trying to describe, that we only want to help our parents and siblings,and we dont care about our fiance/husband because all we need from them is money. I can say that i love my family very much, my father is very hardworking man and he do his best to send me to school and finish my studies because he want me to have a good kind of job someday, so i can take care of my own family. And about helping my siblings my father dont ask for too much, he said he just want that all my sibling can finish their studies too so when they are gone they will not worry that we are not doing well.helping siblings is not obligation its just a work of love helping them to learn how to stand on their own and let them find their way.
what im trying to say is if you say filipina are family dedicated it doesnt mean that we only dedicate to our parents and siblings but also to our husband,kids and the family of our husband.
I love my family but im also looking forward to be a good wife to my husband and good mother to my kids,I also want to be part of the family of my husband extended family. This are the things filipina wants, to keep their family intact in the philippines while starting to build a good foundation of their new and very own family. My husband and my kids will be still in priority list.
im happy with my relationship with my fiance although we are far apart from each other its been a year since the last time he gave me a hug,but i know time will pass and we will be together again, in Gods help,we can overcome the distance, we talk and see each other everyday.But im looking forward for his next visit, he need to save for now because plane ticket is not cheap and taking a vacation is expensive. I understand that being american is not equivalent to being rich. so i really value every single cent my fiance sent me, i only spend for the things that are really important like bills, tuition fee, and food. I make sure that his money is not wasted. i will not also allow any relative to influence me, or dictate me to ask for money. I gave me one of his credit card number but everytime i use that in paying online fee for my NCLEX-RN exam i make sure that i let him know first before i use it and go for registration, I have big respect to my fiance because he will be my future husband, he trust me and i want to take care his trust and not break it. he love me very much so he deserve more love from me,im willing to give anything in this world just to make him happy.
Bottom line, you may have bad experience with a filipina but please dont generalized us, every person is different, most of all money is not our God like what you said, money is not our happiness either. All we need is love , care and attention. We are very capable of loving and giving real love. All you need to do is to know us really well. Spend time with us. Do not rush.
keith wrote at 2010-06-08 12:29:21
hey! i'm incredibly sorry about your experience. it's people like this who give our country a bad name. divorce that douche. :)
Mitch wrote at 2012-07-20 03:53:43
Steve,I have experienced a nightmare much worse & over a longer period of time than yours. I understand your experience & am sympathetic to be sure. I am not naive,but rather a dedicated,committed,trusting sort of fellow. My Pinay wife destroyed my finances & then after 13 years,started playing house with a younger Filipino here in America.I thought he was our friend. She was as sweet as can be,but O how devious.
Bill and Lorna Collings wrote at 2012-09-06 09:38:28
Isn't it obvious that any 60 year old needs to understand the give and take in a relationship with a 21 year old????? C'mon it's a trade off which can work if both understand the basics, beauty and youth in exchange for financial security and a "nest" either a house and lot or apartment ( U$15,000 to U$30,000 )within a 5 year period. Otherwise another option is for such 60 year old single older men( often with 1, 2 or 3 previous divorces in their own home country ) is to chat with 35 to 45 year old Filipinas whose children are already grown and left the house. These women who often look 10+ years younger than their age like many Asians are much more practical, understanding and appreciative. One last point to remember in defense of Filipina women, in general, whatever they ask for financially is usually on behalf of their family members not themselves.
Spanky wrote at 2012-12-06 04:46:51
No, they are all alike too. Maybe not right off the start, but just wait, you'll see. Commitment is not even close to what they say it is. They have none to you-just their families. They all will say that they are not all alike, but they are exactly all alike. Any 60 year old man who immediately marries a 21 year old girl gets what he deserves but it wouldn't matter, they are all alike.
Hurt wrote at 2012-12-14 15:29:47
I fell into this trap too. She lives in America and has been here a while. I helped her get her life straight. Then I caught her on a date with a another man. She cried for 3 days for me to take her back and I did. She never stopped seeing this man, although I thought she did. Her true colours started coming out when she started asking me for money to help her. I questioned her why she needed help because she had several thousand dollars in the bank. She cried and cried and couldn't understand why I would ask such a thing. I am a bad person. We continued our relationship and she continued to ask for help and not too mention unprotected sex. Long story short everything just went crazy, really crazy. I changed my number and hope she won't be able to contact me. 100 phone calls, texts, calls to work and yet she is living with another man now. Oh but she loves me and is not happy with him. Beware!
Reverdan wrote at 2013-01-20 22:30:20
You guys are such nimrods. I have been married to a wonderful filipina for quite some time now, and she never asks me for money, neither does her family. She works and earns her own money and doesn't want mine. You make it sound like filipinas are the only women who ever do this. Maybe it is just the type of woman that you attract. In a country of 95 million, there are some of every kind, just like there are in the U.S.
d51slay wrote at 2013-07-18 15:19:19
my wife is from the philippines. we are 35 years difference. Down there, nobody notices that we are different ages. They do here, at least until they get to know us. We have been together 4 and 1 half years. we have a three year old son. He was born over there. The immigration process is very long. You should go over to spend some time with her. About 1 in four relationships turn out to be scams or just dont work out, but most of them do. Keep your eyes open, but be optimistic. It is reasonable to support your fiance over there. most require 100 per month. most young girls are supporting their entire family. Be very suspicious if they require more than 200 per month. They might be abusing your generosity. And if they doo that now, they will do that more and more later. If you go over there, you are allowed to stay for 21 days.