Phobias/Fear Of Being A Pedophile
For the past two weeks I've been scared that I'm a pedophile, my reasoning being is that when I see my nieces i just happen to stare at them below the waist, majority of the time I'm around them they are only in their underwear. I never get aroused doing so, but it's like something is telling me to look. I've even had a dream about me just staring. Prior to these episodes I would look at them like that and even naked and not think a thing about it, but now I'm just worried that I might be a harm to them. The thought alone has made me sick to my stomach, and I've kind of distance myself from them which hurts me more than anything. Prior to these episodes I was watching a ridiculous amount of porn,but since this started I haven't watched any. I'm really depressed right now, because these kids look up to me, and for me to have thoughts like that kills me. Am I a Pedophile?
Eli, first of all, please understand that I am not a doctor or representative of any kind of legal counsel or law enforcement. I cannot give a "diagnosis" of your current mental condition.
From the web:
Perhaps, your nieces are the catalyst for change for you, in some respects. Recognizing that your excessive interest in porn is probably triggering your "interest" in your nieces' body parts is a realization of the fact that your time is being wasted in unreal fantasies.
"Men will be men" in that they have that sexual instinct for the female genitalia that builds arousal towards sexual desire and activity. Your mind is transferring your mental porn images to your nieces body parts. Even though they are related to you, the triggers are still strong due to your previous conditioning.
Some options for you might be:
See a counselor who specializes in sexual behavioral disorders, if you feel that this is becoming an overwhelming obsession.
Seek out support groups who can help you understand your attraction to children.
Locate an EFT practitioner in your area who can work with you to neutralize the feelings and mental images that you have accumulated due to all the porn input that your mind and body have processed over the past years. EFT is a simple process and can be self-administered, however I would recommend working with an experienced practitioner first to get you started in the right direction.
Your question here, to me, is a form of self-introspection. It may be a reflection of the bigger question of "What am I doing with my life and skills? Is this the best I can do with my life now?" This could, in fact, be a turning point for you to redirect your mind into a new direction of thought and energetic expression of who you are and what your life path is really all about. There is an underlying message here, that is more than just about sexual desire and arousal.
EFT info can be found all over the web. www.eftuniverse.com www.eft.mercola.com to name a couple of sites. This is a acupressure-based healing technique that is fast and effective in dissolving many mental patterns that have arisen from trauma or even just poor parental modeling and belief systems that you have acquired. For you, a "set-up statement" is going to be something like: "Even though I am afraid that I am turning into a pedophile, I deeply and sincerely accept myself, without judgment and choose now to neutralize the triggers that make me feel attracted and aroused by seeing young children naked or in their underwear." Speaking the statement is followed by a specific "tapping" sequence on the points indicated in the instructions or with a practitioner. Repeat until your "statement" has no more emotional charge to it. Often, underlying issues that have contributed to these feelings will arise and you can work with each of them, one at a time, until they have been neutralized and dissolved. This whole process isn't very "logical" or left-brain friendly, but it has an extremely high percentage of success and you don't have to take meds and endure the side-effects of them in the process. Often just a few sessions are sufficient to clear out old mental patterns and then you can just go about your life with a new sense of purpose and understanding about who you are and why you are here in this lifetime.
I hope you consider this to be a wake-up call from the universe, redirecting your thoughts and actions into a new positive direction.