Phobias/what is my phobia and how to cure it?
I have a phobia since i was in middle school in my country( I was born in china and later, I had lived in Hong Kong. Now, I am in The US)
after something happen when the school counselor accused me something which i did not do and told many thing which I don't want to hear. I am a male college student and I have a irrational fear of girls who already have boyfriends. When i was in middle school in Hong Kong, I was attracted to a girl in my class who already had at least one boy friend ( probably more than one boyfriends and I was not sure whether I only wanted to befriend with her or date her)the school counselor at that time accused me of trying to hook up a girl who was faithful to her boyfriend.( not really faithful because she dated other guys before and after that and she had a lot of male friends) The school counselor told me that I can not hook up the girls who have boyfriends nor being close friend with such girls because other close male friend will make the girls unfaithful. She even told me that in future I am not allow to date or marry any girls who had boyfriend at school years because they were suppose to marry the guys who they date first time.( if this is true, I will never be able to date anyone or marry because most girls I met wanted to dated some guys before they meet their future husband) all she told me is that girls need to be faithful to their boyfriend's relationship and not to be close friend with other boys and boys should be faithful to other boys relationship and not to be close friend with the girls who already have boyfriends. She told me that all boys are very jealous and cannot tolerate infidelity( i am obviously the exception). she told me that the girls who had boyfriends can only be friend in general with me but cannot get closer.
After I graduate from middle school, I feel the world turn upside down. I feel that all girls and women other than my relative are considered to be property of other men by the society. I want to make friend with human female and not the property of other men. I don't want any girls i meet being faithful to any guy not even my self. I believe that the people of opposite sex attracted to each other do not need commitment and should not own each other.( and the relationship should not be too sexual)
now i am in college in United States. Whenever I meet new girls, I fear that the girls talk about their boyfriend for the first time because I really don't want to know that any girl who I meet already have boyfriend who are jealous and hurt my friendship with those girls. Although I know that most of them are not interested in long term relationship and divorce rate is high in the US, my brain have been programmed by my school counselor in my country to believe that all girls will not broke up with their
boyfriends and they eventually marry and never divorce. what make me uncomfortable are the jealous boyfriends of the girls ( so I will never be jealous in their sense)
what kind of phobia do I have and how to cure it?
The key phrase in your letter/question to me is:
"My brain have been programmed by my school counselor in my country to believe that all girls will not broke up with their boyfriends and they eventually marry and never divorce"
This occurred when you were of a very impressionable age and emotionally vulnerable to the "wisdom of adults" in situations like this. It is time to de-program yourself from these unhelpful thoughts of the past. With your current, much more mature mind, you can see how this programming isn't really in tune with the reality of life. Men/women make relationships of all kinds and degrees of intensity all the time. There is no "rule" like the one that you were given in childhood that applies in real life.
But, at the moment, you have this programmed thought and it needs to be neutralized and discarded because it is obviously affecting you and how you relate to the feminine gender.
The EFT process is fast, safe, effective and doesn't require drugs and endless counseling sessions to make changes in your thought processes and in your life, in general.
Go to sites like:
to learn more about how this simple tapping on acupressure points can cause major changes in your life.
In creating a "setup statement" you can use something like:
Even though I have been programmed to think certain things about a woman and how she views relationships by someone who was not really an expert and has given me false information, I deeply and sincerely love and accept myself without judgment and choose now to deprogram myself from those false lessons and beliefs, so I can have a happy and fulfilling relationship with a woman now."
There are many EFT practitioners around the world who can assist you with a couple of brief sessions and help you to escape this harmful "program" that has been running your life for so long.