AboutDrew Mcpherson Expertise Questions about online dating, relationships, how to succeed at online dating, etc. I run an online dating and social networking website (TheyFall.com) and publish an advice column on it. I've also written a book on psychology and am presently composing a book on relationships.
Experience I run an online dating site (TheyFall.com) and publish an advice column on it. I've also written a book on psychology and am presently composing a book on relationships.
Expert: Drew Mcpherson Date: 7/7/2008 Subject: Question on meeting women in the non-online dating world
Question Hello Drew,
I've had quite a bit of experience dating women via online dating sites. And
while I've known many people who have met their soulmates through these
online dating services, I think they have become way overrated. Online dating
is akin to frozen food tv dinners! LOL. I'm not bashing online dating, but I
have decided to expand my horizons and explore other opportunities as well.
That being said, I have no experience in meeting women the old fashion way,
that is, at a cafe or any social gathering. But I also realized that unlike online
dating, you don't quite know for sure if the woman you are socializing with is
actually single and you run the risk of getting shot down for a date. I guess
subconsciously I was embarrassed about that which led me to online dating.
On the other hand, with online dating, you never know who you're dealing
with. For instance, the lovely lady you see online with her nice profile on
display could end up being an old, fat and dirty old man.
Anyway, I would like to learn the art of dating and meeting women at cafes
and social gatherings. What advice do you have for someone who is
unaccustomed to this non-online dating world?
Best regards,
Julian
Answer I think you will find it very difficult to meet people if you go out into the world with the attitude of finding someone for "dating" at a coffee shop or social gathering. It will be very obvious that you are out to get something and by actively seeking you will portray an air of desperation which women will tend to avoid like the plague. Your best bet is to simply set out to socialize with no other intentions, which will make you less threatening and more approachable. The best way to go about it is to strike up a conversation about something which seems immediately relevant or pertinent. If the person responds and seems talkative, then go with it. You can practice on grocery store cashiers because they tend to be a captive audience which is very short-lived and so if you botch it completely, you will be out of there in a few minutes anyway. Just be talkative and fun and see how it works. Some suggestions for good venues include any arranged activity which you have an interest in, such as dance classes or cooking lessons. These will tend to have a high prevalence of women over men and would make an ideal meeting ground for someone who shares at least some of your interests. Good luck, and most of all, have fun!
