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I am 58...I am creative, attractive, financially good,love my music, art, friends, family etc...
I am not attracted to any man...can't find one I feel anything for....
The only man my heart went out in the past few months was this attractive, creative bum, and I had to get away from that....what's going on?  There's another creative man, not a bum, but he travels everywhere, never around....
.....I go online, I got all the time....just never see ANYONE who I feel ANY PULL towards...why?  
I always hear these women and men talking about all the people they are SOOOO attracted to...people they know and also celebrities, but I don't have any feeling towards the celebrity men either..... heart connection, nothing....How come some people seem to be attracted to EVERYONE it seems, and I don't seem to SEE that for's sooo darn rare...and wny....
Previously I was married for 20 yeah, I have sustained a long term relationship....any help is appreciated.

Hello Angela!

The science of attraction isn't exactly a simple thing. There are many factors that go into what attracts us to someone else. Certainly, being attracted to someone's looks is one factor but it's only one of (literally) hundreds of individual elements.

Some people are attracted to a person's size. Some are attracted to the sound of a person's voice, some are attracted to how a person smells. Some are attracted to how sweet or nice or powerful or bold or creative a person is, etc. These are all very difficult things to express via an online profile. Further, when you're talking about hundreds or thousands of profiles to review you aren't exactly going to delve into what someone writes in much depth.

Further, it's being proven that each of us seem to have an "attraction fingerprint" that involves many individual elements. What works for you won't work for me for example.

You seem to think that this has something to do with a fault of yours but I think it's a matter of being more concerned with finding that right blend. What this does say however is that online dating isn't likely going to work well for you unless you decide to meet a LOT of people and are willing to be less discriminating up-front. In fact, that's about the only way to be successful with internet dating for anyone.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20+ years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can also write to me privately and securely at:


Since my first book was published in 2000, I've answered over 15,000 questions from my readers! I have a large following around the world, a very active discussion group, interview regularly on TV, radio and in print, and write weekly articles on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships for over 50 websites and newsletters. I'm an expert at approaching and being approached, getting phone numbers, dates and one-night stands, handling relationship problems, "right-sizing" relationships, breaking up, dealing with infidelity, loss of (or lack of) sex, and much more.

Please see my narrative above.

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