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Places to Meet People/Charlie Sheen HIV + and United States STD epidemic


Hello Dr. Neder.

What did you feel about Charlie Sheen's HIV + diagnosis and admission?

He found out about the disease back in 2011. He has had 200 sexual partners in the last 2 years, and 5,000 sexual partners in his entire lifetime, majority without condoms.

Some of them he used condoms, some he didn't, and even after the disease came about, he was still doing his wild reckless things.

Even if the majority were porn stars and prostitutes, they are still human too. Plus he was having sex with his regular fans, both male and female, people like you and me, and his groupies, which is completely irresponsible and putting people at risk.

Also, he had many love scenes in his movies and TV shows, where he kissed his costars, if he had cuts on his lips, and they had cuts on their lips, that would have been irresponsible too.

Your thoughts?

The last thing I wanted to add, I noticed a very disturbing trend.

I am a woman that uses dating sites to meet men. I have been on 240 dates over the last 5 years.

Majority of these guys did NOT want to use condoms and I asked them to and they would blow up at me, getting furious about how they didn't like condoms.

The relationship would not last, and I would come home, and find out from Facebook that these guys had given other girls herpes, and would see pictures of him with cold sores on their lips.

With the advent of dating sites, both men and women are dating/having sex with up to 2-3 people per week, and not using condoms with any of them.

I would still like to think most are responsible with condoms. But from my experience, out of the hundreds and hundreds of men I dated, almost no one wanted to use a condom! Scary! And apparently most girls didn't either, after speaking to my male colleagues who also online date.

Please read this article, it's very disturbing about the current STD epidemic sweeping the nation. I'm sure 2016 will be even worse.


First, regarding Charlie Sheen, I'm very saddened to hear about this. Anytime anyone gets sick with what is likely a terminal illness, I'm very much concerned. HIV is a terrible disease and as far as I'm concerned, we can't move fast enough to find both a cure and a prevention.

I also think it's incumbent on someone with any STD to disclose that fact and take appropriate precautions, but let's be clear: that doesn't absolve the other person of their responsibilities either.

In other words, everyone is both a victim and a cause here. People who have unprotected sex with are just as responsible for their own protection as their partners are. There isn't one "victim" and one "perpetrator" here. Both are equally "guilty".

Whether a person is a sex worker or not makes absolutely no difference. In fact, these people are more responsible for their own health and safety (sexually) because they know the risks and how to minimize them. With that said, these people are just that: people. Regardless of what they do for a living (or, even how they get their kicks!) getting the infection is a terrible, terrible thing. Keep in mind too that it's not just these people who suffer. Their families and friends (who love them just as much as you love yours) are directly affected too. In short, we are all affected.

Yes, it's true. Most men do not want to use condoms if given a choice. There are new birth control options coming to market soon for men, but that's only part of the problem. The prevention of disease transmission is still a constant threat.

Remember: there are usually at least two people involved with most sex acts. That means there are two (or more) chances to get it right.


Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20+ years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can also write to me privately and securely at:


Since my first book was published in 2000, I've answered over 15,000 questions from my readers! I have a large following around the world, a very active discussion group, interview regularly on TV, radio and in print, and write weekly articles on every aspect of dating, sex and relationships for over 50 websites and newsletters. I'm an expert at approaching and being approached, getting phone numbers, dates and one-night stands, handling relationship problems, "right-sizing" relationships, breaking up, dealing with infidelity, loss of (or lack of) sex, and much more.

Please see my narrative above.

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