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Polyamory/Questions
| Subject | Date Asked | Expert |
| Polygamist and Monogamist Marriage | 2/8/2012 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I have nothing against any type of relationship, as long as both parties are happy. That said I am ... A: Let me begin with a caveat. Defining what is or is not polyamory is a difficult venture, at best. ... | ||
| from mono to poly | 1/19/2012 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Another Help! I'm a generally mono bi male whose been in a relationship with a wonderful person of ... A: After a thorough search of the AllExperts rules, it appears that I don't have the ability to do ... | ||
| from mono to poly | 1/18/2012 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Another Help! I'm a generally mono bi male whose been in a relationship with a wonderful person of ... A: Rob: First, thank you for sharing your story with me. And I'm sorry you've been going through some ... | ||
| Unsure if I'm polyamorous | 12/28/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I'm hoping you have some thoughts on this because it's not something I can talk about with many ... A: (I feel like Dear Abby when I open replies like that.) First, my sympathy to you and your husband ... | ||
| New poly relationship and older children | 9/14/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I'm in a relationship with a man who is married and we both have children. I have become great ... A: A: I want to preface my reply by stating that I do not have children, nor have I personally been in ... | ||
| trinogamous relationship | 7/14/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Ok im not sure if this fits into this category,but here goes. My boyfriend and I have been ... A: Kendra: Sorry... but no. Adding another person to a troubled relationship will solve nothing. It ... | ||
| Fulfilling My Desires | 6/19/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: First off, I would like to thank AllExperts for answering other questions I have had and I love ... A: Kim: As I'm sure you've discovered in the books you've been reading, a polyamorous life is ... | ||
| Poly/mono: confused about what to do for my boyfriend and myself | 6/12/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am a 23 year old female. For years I thought I was polyamorous. I had multiple partners, preferred ... A: Jessie: Thank you for sharing this with me. I have two responses, one short and one long. The ... | ||
| Polyamorous grand-dad | 4/4/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: My father-in-law is very pushy in wanting us to accept his polyamorous marriage/s, but we worry it ... A: Therese: Thank you for providing more detail. From what you describe, I'd have to agree with you. ... | ||
| Polyamorous grand-dad | 4/3/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: My father-in-law is very pushy in wanting us to accept his polyamorous marriage/s, but we worry it ... A: Therese Your question is troubling on a couple levels. First, regarding the BDSM materials... ... | ||
| Heavy Crush | 3/22/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I really have no one else to turn to. I'm also not sure if what I'm asking about is actually poly, ... A: Milly: Well, let's cut to the chase... Lou is against an open relationship. So you're up against ... | ||
| bisexual partner... | 1/15/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I have been dating my husband for four years and married for a year and a half. We both love each ... A: Emily. I agree... you're in a "super complicated" situation. Let me begin with the question of ... | ||
| im not sure what it is? or what to do. | 1/11/2011 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Vincent. I am a 22 yr old female. I started dating my boyfriend we will call him "jim" two and a ... A: Mallory: First off, I want to congratulate you on the progress you're making with the band. I ... | ||
| Dating a man married in another country. | 12/6/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I have been dating this man for about two weeks now. When we met the first time he did not tell me ... A: Christyn: First, I must point out that this situation you're in does not really fit the definition ... | ||
| Decision | 11/30/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: So, I'm a poly woman in two relationships with a poly guy (EP) and a normally mono guy (CF). I've ... A: Patty: Thanks for the inquiry. I hope I can help. First, I want to point out that you haven't ... | ||
| mono-poly-mono | 11/17/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: This may take me a little while to explain. Here's my predicament: My husband and I have been in a ... A: Bean, I'm sorry to break this to you, but if your husband is not okay with you having a secondary ... | ||
| How to proceed | 11/10/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years... He is poly, but has yet to have another ... A: Zoe... This may not be the answer you're looking for, but it's the answer I always give to this ... | ||
| Apprehension | 9/30/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am entering a new poly relationship - my second. In the first relationship I knew the couple for ... A: Nina: This is a difficult question for me to answer because the situation is not one I can imagine ... | ||
| From talk to action. | 9/27/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Spent the last few hours reading your answers. Extremely compelling. I found a few posts that ... A: Brian: Kudos to all of you involved for not taking the easy way out and ignoring the boyfriends' ... | ||
| Something needs to change | 9/6/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am in a poly triad with a male and another female. For the most part I have been and am very ... A: J: First of all, I want to commend you on having a pretty clear grasp of the situation (or so it ... | ||
| Starting again | 8/18/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: So me and my wife have been married for 2 years and been together for another 2 before that. We had ... A: Jeff: First, my sympathies on the earlier experience. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Got ... | ||
| who is primary ? | 7/8/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: . Im a 32 yrs old married Indian mom of 2 kids. My family stays in Kolkata in eastern India. For the ... A: J. I'll begin by saying that I'm not particularly fond of labels such as "primary" and "secondary," ... | ||
| Poly in a monogamous relationship | 7/4/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am a 27 year old woman in a monogamous relationship with a 25 year old man. We have been together ... A: Shea: There are many approaches you could take with this, though I have no idea which one(s) Brett ... | ||
| group blow up | 6/28/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: Ok. Will keep this sort as I can. Met Cindy 20 years ago.Cindy was partnered with Ann at the time ... A: Linda: First off... I'm so sorry things went as they did for you. I could feel the pain, despite ... | ||
| New Poly marriage | 5/24/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: First I want to say how happy I am to have found this site. It is amazing how little feedback there ... A: Lisa: I wish I could say that you have nothing to worry about, but you know I'd be wrong. From the ... | ||
| Liking/disliking other partners | 4/4/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: My primary partner is in a relationship with a woman I detest - not jealous, there are legitimate ... A: Sheri: The problem with telling you what is "poly appropriate" is that this varies from ... | ||
| Polyamory gone bad or something else? | 3/11/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: a good male friend has been part of a polyamorous relationship with the girl who was his fiance and ... A: Caroline: I wish I could give you some concrete ideas, but I really can't. The "interpersonal ... | ||
| Quad-relationship problems.... | 2/9/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am a member of a quad-relationship. We started out as two couples who've known each other for a ... A: Erin: First, let me say up front that I'm not a "professional," so I can't give you a reply from "a ... | ||
| starting a poly relationship...questions... | 1/18/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: first of all i appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my question. i have read around ... A: Amy: Thanks for your question, and there's absolutely no need to apologize for the length. Longer ... | ||
| moving past the pain | 1/5/2010 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: i have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years now, when we first got together we talked alot ... A: Your feelings are quite justified. I don't blame you for being distressed over this. As I see it, ... | ||
| Too young for polyamory? | 12/3/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: For the past ten months I have been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend, “Hannah.” She is ... A: Rob, this isn't really a question that I can really answer for you. I don't know the emotional ... | ||
| Poly problem | 11/6/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I have known for a long tim (since high school) that I was not interested in a monogamous ... A: Tony... Obviously, without knowing anything more than the paragraph you wrote, I really can't make ... | ||
| Becoming poly to keep my relationship? | 10/7/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I am going through a really rough time right now. My long term boyfriend, while telling me he is ... A: Kay: Yikes. What a miserable situation. Let me just toss a few thoughts your way, and please bear ... | ||
| should i let him go | 9/8/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: i'm more than 10 yrs older than my husband and been together for 11 yrs. When we first met we agreed ... A: Not quite sure what you're asking, Jill. You state that you've tried to leave in the past but that ... | ||
| Breaking free from monogamy | 8/14/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: So, my husband and I sat down a few months ago and had a very lengthy discussion about being in an ... A: Amy. This is, sadly, a pretty familiar scenario for many couples who embark down the poly path. ... | ||
| Child Custody | 8/13/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: In the past year my wife and I became involved with another women who is going thru a divorce. Her ... A: Jeff: This is a very sticky situation. On the one hand, the ex may just be posturing. He may be ... | ||
| Perhaps a Poly? or maybe just Selfish. | 7/28/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: I have been reading through this wonderful site and would love some of your excellent advice. I will ... A: Emily: First off, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a troubling time. And I wish I could give ... | ||
| should i even care about this or this girl | 6/26/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: What do i do about this girl? a long question about a lesbian problem please read all and answer ... A: Tilly: Stop being coy about it. Call her up, get together, and lay it on the table. Ask her flat ... | ||
| Another woman | 6/19/2009 | Vincent M. Wales |
| Q: My huge feelings make me handicap to know what first to say, but I will make up my self and start ... A: Let me see if I understand this correctly. You're interested in another woman besides your wife, ... | ||
| Another woman | 6/19/2009 | Agaperty |
| Q: My huge feelings make me handicap to know what first to say, but I will make up my self and start ... A: Esperanta: The first thing I ought to say is have you talked to your wife about your thoughts ... | ||
Vincent M. Wales
Top Expert on this page
Expertise
I will answer questions on the subject of Polyamory, including Polyfidelity and other variations.
Experience
I "came out" as poly in 1997, though I've felt my poly side strongly for a couple decades longer than that.
Organizations
I am the founder of PAARC, the Polyamory Awareness & Acceptance Ribbon Campaign. I have also belonged to two local poly organizations.
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