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About Vincent M. Wales
(Top Expert on this page)

Expertise
I will answer questions on the subject of Polyamory, including Polyfidelity and other variations.

Experience
I "came out" as poly in 1997, though I've felt my poly side strongly for a couple decades longer than that.

Organizations
I am the founder of PAARC, the Polyamory Awareness & Acceptance Ribbon Campaign. I have also belonged to two local poly organizations.

   

You are here:  Experts > People/Relationships > Alternative Relationship Styles > Polyamory

Questions Answered By Expert  Vincent M. Wales 
In Category  Polyamory

SubjectDate Asked

Confused about my feelings.9/21/2008
  Q: My friend (and lover of several years) and I are in an open relationship, and several months ago ...
  A: I would agree with you... I don't think jealousy is the issue, here. Reading this as you've ...
Urgent Time Frame: Advice on relationship.8/16/2008
  Q: I am 18 years old and i have been in a year and a half relationship with my boyfriend who is 29. It ...
  A: Okay. The thing that really strikes me here is that neither of you seems inclined to an actual ...
servicing our friend8/6/2008
  Q: I have been married for 31 years. My husband and I have a dear friend who has never married. I ...
  A: It doesn't sound like you're missing anything, assuming that your friend has no expectations beyond ...
Starting a relationship8/2/2008
  Q: I have been in a monogamous relationship for 3.5 years and over two years of that has been spent ...
  A: Claire. Thanks for writing, and sharing such a significant issue with me. I'll try to offer some ...
Open relationship run amok...7/25/2008
  Q: For over a year now, my boyfriend and I have been in an open relationship and for a while, it was ...
  A: Y'know, you're really asking for an answer to a question that just isn't possible to give. The only ...
treading lightly7/13/2008
  Q: After doing some reading about polyamory, I found myself deeply intrigued. It appealed to me. I ...
  A: Leah: There's really no way for me, or anyone, to predict how adding a third to your relationship ...
Open relationship run amok...7/11/2008
  Q: For over a year now, my boyfriend and I have been in an open relationship and for a while, it was ...
  A: A lot of people believe the biggest threat to poly relationships is jealousy. For some, this may be ...
which is the best option7/2/2008
  Q: Im a 39 yrs old lady married for the last 22 yrs & having a son who is now about to complete his ...
  A: Runu: This is quite the complicated situation you've found yourself in, isn't it? I'd like to ask ...
married couple taking on a life partner...I think7/2/2008
  Q: Okay...to start off with...My wife and I have been married for 10 years now. We have a strong ...
  A: CJ - I have to admit, I read your question with a very warm feeling inside. The three of you - ...
Don't know what to do.6/11/2008
  Q: I'll keep this short and to the point. I'm 30. The other day I walked in on the girl I've been ...
  A: This is actually a question with a few layers. Really, what you should do depends on what you want. ...
poly and children3/10/2008
  Q: I also have a question about how much to share with my child. My husband and I have been married 27 ...
  A: Lisa: Keep in mind I'm not an M.F.T. or anything, but I really do think you should tell him. As ...
In a Polyamorus Relationship...12/1/2007
  Q: I've just recently involved myself in a polyamorus relationship...i'm monogamous...or so i think. My ...
  A: Like many things in life, our views and positions on things can change. Twenty years ago, I didn't ...
polyamory10/30/2007
  Q: Is it polyamory when you are an established couple and invite another person into your bed on ...
  A: Consider that polyamory is about love, not sex, and I think you might have the answer to your own ...
ending a relationship8/23/2007
  Q: I have been in a FMF relationship (I'm the second F) for about 5 years now. No kids, but we do own a ...
  A: No, once the re-fi is done, and your name is off the mortgage, you're not legally responsible for ...
ending a relationship8/23/2007
  Q: I have been in a FMF relationship (I'm the second F) for about 5 years now. No kids, but we do own a ...
  A: The house will need to be refinanced under the name(s) of whomever is staying in the house, whether ...
Poly and children8/10/2007
  Q: I have been in a poly relationship for 3 years now. We are a happy polyfidelitous triad (FFM) with 4 ...
  A: Cyndi: Wow, this is really a touchy one. Let me preface this by saying that a LOT depends on the ...
I first started out as a......7/1/2007
  Q: My name is Rob. My wife and I first started swinging early on in our relationship. Now, ten years ...
  A: Rob. Well, the first thing I would suggest you do is sit down with your wife and talk about it. ...
My long-term bf just came out to me as polyamorous...5/1/2007
  Q: My long-term bf just came out to me as polyamorous. I am monogamous. The only thing even close to ...
  A: Alice: I want to say first off that I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how painful it ...
polyamory + insecurity = aaaah!!4/13/2007
  Q: My partner and I have a polyamorous relationship, and we like it that way. I can't even imagine how ...
  A: Edie: No, this doesn't really have directly to do with poly, but that's okay. It has to do with ...
I would like to become a4/10/2007
  Q: I am very interested in becoming a polygamist, and I would like to find a husband or a family that ...
  A: Just to clarify: polygamy (the practice of having multiple married spouses) is not legal in the ...
unhappy in polyamory12/5/2006
  Q: My fiance and I have been together for 6 years. He says that he is more comfortable in a three ...
  A: June: There are a lot of things I could say right now, but the truth is, I don't have a complete ...
Transition of divorce10/4/2006
  Q: Im recently divorced my ex husband hooked up with his sons mother when we seperated. I was her ...
  A: Liz: That's very interesting that you think you may see this trait in him. I'll offer my idea for ...
adoption8/30/2006
  Q: I am in a polyamorous relationship with two men and one of them is interested in adoption. Do you ...
  A: Jessica: The difficult part of offering resources here is that, unlike homosexual relationships, ...
Poly-relationship7/25/2005
  Q: I'm a poly in a loving relationship. My girl understands and accepts my poly nature. I am currently ...
  A: Marc: When someone is "hunting" for a potential relationship partner, it's a good idea to "hunt ...
polygamy?5/9/2005
  Q: I think that you are probably not the person I need to talk to however my boyfriend (soon to ...
  A: The first place I'd suggest is www.lovemore.com. This was the site where I first discovered the term ...
Friends with Benefits3/25/2005
  Q: I'm also posting this in "polygamy" because I dont know where it belongs... This is a long story - ...
  A: Jennie: Yeah, that's a nasty situation. It would be nice if you could turn back time and be ...
Poly Relationships7/19/2004
  Q: Have read true and fantasy stories about people engaging in Poly relationships for both sexual ...
  A: The difference is quite profound. Polygamy as practiced by Mormons was (and still is, by some ...
Am I POLYAMOROUS?7/13/2004
  Q: I have been called a "Serial Monogomist". Since the age of 14 or 15 when I first started going out ...
  A: Amanda... First of all, I'm DREADFULLY sorry about the delay in response. A week ago, the morons ...
Polyamory legal issues6/18/2004
  Q: I am a member of a well-established all-female triad. We are planning to have children next year ...
  A: Rachel: This isn't an easy question to answer, because legal issues vary widely on a state by state ...
Benefits of Polyamory5/5/2004
  Q: Firstly, thank you for your service. Is it possible to view the questions and answers of those who ...
  A: Raam: Two very good questions. The first one, I can't answer. I, myself, can only see a very ...
Poly and Breastfeeding5/4/2004
  Q: Vincent, I recently entered into a poly relationship with a couple who live not far from me. I ...
  A: Fred: Well, the breastfeeding bit is way out of my area of expertise. And as for poly relationship ...
romantic interest3/4/2004
  Q: my spouse and i have agreed to try a polyamory lifestyle.Im interested in a man who is also married ...
  A: The first question that comes to my mind is, how well do you know this couple? You'll bring up the ...
polyamory2/12/2004
  Q: I have discussed open marriage with my husband. I have not been involved with anyone else and I am ...
  A: Steph... You're experiencing a very awkward, but very common, aspect of poly right now. The ...
What is polyamory? I can find the definition.4/22/2003
  Q: Can you tell me what is polyamory? I think i know, but not sure. Thanks! Mary
  A: Mary: I maintain a website that might be helpful to you. It's the POLYAMORY AWARENESS AND ...
polyfidelitous committment11/20/2002
  Q: I am currently involved with a wonderful couple (fmf). We've only been together a few months, but ...
  A: Courtney: I'm sorry you felt my reply was "hurried." But the truth is that I am the furthest thing ...

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