Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome/Ptsd


The 2 year anniversary of my fiancee's death is a month away. I was asked to dinner and am super excited. Then a sudden fear.. I will have to drive past where it happened to get to where I'm going. Even if I go around, I will have to pass where Alan worked. I will have to pass the place I met Alan the very first day we ever met. I'm so scared. I don't know of I can do it. I haven't been down there since the day after he died. I have purposely avoidedever having to go there. I don't know how to tell my date these things. Will i sound like a nut case?


    The simple answer to your question is no. No, you will not sound like a "nut" case, whatever that is. Rather, you will sound like a person who has lost someone dear to her. You will sound like almost anyone who has been faced with the loss of a loved one. In other words, you will sound human. That said, how do you deal with an upcoming date with someone new?

    You could simply inform this person that you are still working through the loss of a fiancee, and that it will be difficult for you to be around certain places that bring him to mind. If your date is understanding he will support you to the best of his ability. If he is not supportive and he is uncomfortable with your situation then it's better to address this now, and perhaps reconsider going on a date with him. It will be hard enough as it is, and more so if you are with someone who does not offer you some level of understanding. Further, if your date really wants to be with you then he will help make your experience less anxiety provoking. Eventually you will have to confront your fear of being in or around places that remind you of your fiancee, and it is better to do so with a supportive person who can ease some of your fears and be there for you.  

    Whatever happens between you and this man, I suggest that in the near future you consider seeking the counsel of a grief therapist. The therapist can help you work through the many issues surrounding the loss of someone very close to you. In time, you will begin to let go of whatever anxieties, fears, and sadness  that keep you from traveling to places that bring your fiancee to mind. If you have a primary physician, ask the physician for a referral to a good grief therapist.

    In summary then, I suggest you inform your date of your feelings and, depending on his reaction, proceed from there. Later on, get yourself into grief counseling. Going through life being afraid of going places because those places constantly remind you of someone you lost  is a tough way to live. Counseling and being around healthy understanding people will help remove the burden that you are carrying.

    I hope the above has helped in some small way. If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.



Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome

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James Joseph Parker


I can offer individuals who suffer from the effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, the understanding that is often sorely lacking in this area of mental health, and I can answer many of the questions that are specific to this disease. In addition, I can address many of the questions that individuals who have lived, or who are now living in an alcoholic household need answered, to help them address the emotional, physical, and spiritual toll this illness exacts, not only on the alcoholic, but those who live with the alcoholic as well. I can not address questions concerning the prescription of medications or the diagnosis of disease.


I am a former Marine who served one tour of duty in Vietnam. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1980, and have been in several in-patient programs, clinical veteran groups, and one-on-one counseling for approxmately twenty years. I was raised in an alcoholic household, and I have been a member of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) for sixteen years. Over the years, I have acquired a wealth of experience that I believe can be beneficial in helping others to examine their own issues. I am also a writer, and I have used writing as a means of examining my own life, and as a tool for working through personal issues.

ALANON (ACOA) - A 12 Step Program (16 years). Disabled American Veterans (DAV) (20 years).

Buffalo Evening News

B.S. Computer Science - Buffalo State College 1988 Currently tutoring English students at Buffalo State College, and working on my undergrad degree in writing.

Awards and Honors
Decorated military veteran Exemplary Service award from English department of Buffalo State College.

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