Expert: Steve Brungard - 2/12/2003

Question
Steve,
It looks like you have the background that may fit this question.
How does a person deal with the trauma and pain that comes with violent killings? I know that this does something stange to the human psyche.
I have a friend that was murdered about four years ago.  I have some other issues in my past  too,  that is causing me to have a hard time dealing with the pain and violence of this.  This kind of grabs you at the inner core, it seems, to hear about human suffering and death.  
any help would be appreciated

Answer
Hi Leah;

Yup. This one grabs your soul.

It is firmly my belief that killing a fellow human is not a natural act. No matter what. There is actually some medical science that supports my belief.

I am fortunate that when I killed some of my fellow humans, they were trying very hard to kill me. I felt a great loss and mourned each person - and that was nearly balanced out by the euphoria of surviving the battle. So I am free to live with only the pang of wishing that those battles had never happened. I have it pretty easy on this account.

Then there are the other accounts. One is the toll of friends who had no chance nor choice but to die. Damn.

Anyway, here we are. Missing our friends, hurting, and maybe wondering what the hell this life is worth and is it worthy enough for us to keep plodding along and just what, if anything, does it all get us anyway.

Maybe we can switch some of that around. A better question might be; is my life worth it and am I worthy?

That's kinda like JFK saying: "ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country".

It took me a few years but I have decided that I will honor my friends by living the best life I can and by doing the utmost with it. I have decided that I will be worthy of my friends - the living and the dead.

The pain is the same but I want to bear it.

My Mother and I have come to believe that earth is a school. It might be that each of us has an individual education plan here in earth school. Might be that my friends just graduated before me.

By the way - humans are allowed to believe whatever.
You too!
If you choose to believe differently than I do and differently than any other human on earth, I will honor your belief and admire your courage. Go Leah!

After all things - I am still me.

I live. I screw up. I learn. I make better decisions.
It's all part of earth school.

After all things - you are still you.

Can I encourage you to do the same?
(maybe with fewer screw ups than me)

Steve