AboutDon Hurray Expertise Presbyterian minister (PCUSA)with 23 years experience.
Have served as military and police chaplain
Well versed in reformed theology belonging to professional groups
Grew up Roman Catholic
Well acquainted with most Christian and Jewish faiths
Experience Parish ministry 24 years
Served as volunteer military and police chaplain, hospice, etc.
Organizations Reformed Group
Ministerial Associations
Publications Monday Morning
Presbyterian Layman
Education/Credentials College in US and Sweden
M.Div plus advanced work
Question Nearly a year ago I gave birth to the beautiful granddaughter of a Presbyterian pastor in my town. In reveling our pregnancy the family was committed to helping and being supportive. As the father of my child decided that at 27 years of age he would rather stay a child he abandoned both me and his child during the 7th month of my pregnancy. At this time his family tried to force me to give my child away and when I refused to do so they have turned their back on me and their grand child completely. When asked about her they lie or pretend she does not exist. He supports his son in not taking any responsibility not even paying the child support that the court ordered him to pay. I tried to let them be a part of her life, but the pastor himself refused wanting to see her or be a part of her life. With my daughter going through some difficult times with health I reached out to the pastor asking him to simply talk with his son about paying what the court has ordered him to pay so that I can take care of her medical bills. The pastor himself responded by telling me that he and his family wants nothing to do with me or my daughter and that he hopes I have made peace with God because asking his son to pay for a child he does not want is a sin. He then preceded to hang up the phone on me. This was the first time I had contacted the family since before we went to court and they ruled I should be paid based upon the paternity test (that I offered in the beginning and they said there was no need for because we had been together and living together for some time.) I am very frustrated at this point and have no idea where to turn for support both emotionally and financially. I thought of all places a church and a "good" church family would be the place, but now through all of this I am doubting the church greatly. Any advice?
Answer Hello Courtney,
I hardly know where to begin because the situation you describe is so common today and so many young women like you are so mislead into thinking that all will work our well.
First, it sounds like Frank Sinatra's old song "I had it MY way!" You have sex with a "27 year old boy-man" without protecting yourself with the Biblical institution of MARRIAGE (which the bible calls "fornication") and get pregnant. Then you expect his family to adopt you and your child and get offended when the "boy-man" (who already abused you by not marrying you before sex) runs. This is why the Bible warns us to "flee from immorality", everyone ends up getting hurt--but mostly YOU. Evidently the boy-man doesn't believe the Bible or taking his responsibilities seriously. He believes what our immoral society encourages us to do which is fornicate and eradicate, that is make babies and then kill them.
You showed you were honorable in not killing your baby but that pastor (even though he may have been selfishly thinking about himself) may have been right in urging you to give the baby to a family that can provide a father and a mother and support that you may not be able to provide alone.
You have done about all you can do. You are rightfully trying to get child support from a dead beat dad and his dad is wrong in saying it's a sin to ask his son to do what he is responsible for doing. You can request/urge/pray that his family will want to help you raise their grandchild. But they have declined that privilege and you can't force them to. So like the many other woman in your position you can only raise your child the best way you can and make the best of a bad situation.
And that is where you need knowledgeable friends. There are many crisis pregnancy centers who provide help to mothers keeping their children with food, clothing and medical help. Many churches will also provide help but you have to find one that will embrace you to be a part of their fellowship. I urge you to find a good church to find a support system. There are also some advocacy groups that can help persuade the "boy-man" to fulfill his legal obligations. If I knew where you were I could probably help you find such services.
Lastly I pray that you will help your daughter not to be duped by our immoral society into thinking you can get away with immorality. Someone has to pay the piper and it is usually the girl who has all the hopeful expectation that things will turn out beautiful but doesn't use the biblical support (the promises and pledges of Marriage) that God intends to protect us.
