AboutDon Hurray Expertise Presbyterian minister (PCUSA)with 23 years experience.
Have served as military and police chaplain
Well versed in reformed theology belonging to professional groups
Grew up Roman Catholic
Well acquainted with most Christian and Jewish faiths
Experience Parish ministry 24 years
Served as volunteer military and police chaplain, hospice, etc.
Organizations Reformed Group
Ministerial Associations
Publications Monday Morning
Presbyterian Layman
Education/Credentials College in US and Sweden
M.Div plus advanced work
Question In recent weeks i have been doing a lot of research on the subject and i know that the bible clearly says that fornication is wrong and a sin. However I feel (perhaps wrongly) that my situation is a bit different.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost two years now, she is 20 and I am 18. We are both solid in our Christian faith and have been struggling with this issue for the last few months. We have promised ourselves to each other and have a deep undying love which, like all love,I believe comes from God. We will get married in a few years after we are both out of college. So basically my question is, Is it ok for us to have sex? It seems to me that the promise and the love from the lord is what constitutes marriage in a Christian sense, not the legalities. After all, If a man and a woman are married but do not truly love each other, is sex no longer a sin?
Answer Hello Bobby,
You are like most people in our society today. There is a cultural belief or understanding in our world that says our libido” is untamable and we should let it untamed or be out of control because it is "natural". Yet in the faint and distant past lies a time when it seemed to be universally understood that fornication was wrong. They understood the dangers of an out of control libido and the reasons God said fornication is evil for us. But today we are satisfied to believe the “libido” is untamable. Instead of promoting abstinence to those who are unwed, society pushes “protection.” Society also pushes against the concept of “One Man, One Woman, For Life” as not being possible. They say one woman cannot fulfill the needs of one man or one man cannot fulfill the sexual "needs" of a woman. Remember that the “libido” is untamable? They also say it is good to expand with many partners or homosexual sex which God also says is evil. So there are a lot of things which we either believe the world or believe God. Or we can pinch a little at the edges and say "God only meant us to be chaste if we don't know each other well or we "promise ourselves to each other".
I would have you focus on why God said what you are doing is wrong. From statistics once a couple have sex their chances of having a happy marriage go way down. You guess why? Also, chances are that those who have sex and say they will get married never do. You will eventually come to the conclusion like many "why pay for something I can get free."
You have said your situation is "different". I would say you are wrong. You are on exactly the same path that most people are on today who have chosen "mammon" rather than God. You may say you can have both but Jesus says you can't have both.
If God says "Keep sex only in marriage" and you choose another way, even in the name of "love" you are taking another "more traveled" road.
Just ask yourself who is in control of your life "Christ or your libido."
I know this is hard but you can only serve one master.
