Private Investigations and Personal Security/Internet.


QUESTION: Well he said that we didn't have to talk dirty to each other but I feel like egged him on to do so but he was more than willing to so maybe he shouldn't get in trouble,I don't think he is in fault now.Am I in fault now?

ANSWER: I don't think anyone is at fault for starting a conversation on any subject, including sex.  But if one person says they no longer want to continue that kind of conversation, and the other person does not respect that, the other person is at fault.  

So, I think you are fault-free, but I still think you should break off this relationship.  It is just too potentially dangerous to get involved with an older person you have only met in cyberspace.  - Lyn

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QUESTION: Well I feel like it is my fault to begin with.He said that I could stop talking to him at any time but I feel like I egged it on.I ask him to show me the nude picture of him(well actually he offered the first time and I said no.)He shouldn't go to jail or anything,I'm the one in fault and should get in trouble.I mean after all he was just being nice wasn't he?Isn't this all my fault?
HE's happy to continue the coversation though but I still feel that I am at more fault that what he is.

OK, let's not talk about fault.  Let's just say that you are right to be cautious about this man, given how your relationship started.  Start with being honest with yourself.  If you are just playing with this guy and don't have any real interest in him, break it off.  If you would not mind having him out of your life, break it off.  If you do have a real interest, proceed very, very carefully.

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Lyn Bates


Are you being stalked? I can help evaluate the amount of danger you are in, and can provide very specific suggestions for increasing your safety, and for managing your situation. As a founding member and the current Vice President of AWARE (a volunteer, nonprofit organization), I have helped thousands of women learn to protect themselves from crimes ranging from minor harassment to serious assault. I am currently writing a book on safety for stalking victims. I have lectured at annual training meetings of the American Society of Law Enforcement Training, Women in Federal Law Enforcement, the International Women Police Association, the American Society of Criminology, and the American Women`s Self-Defense Association. In 1997, the American Tactical Shooting Association gave me their annual Tactical Advocate Award for teaching and writing.

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