Private Investigations and Personal Security/living with fear


  Hi Marc,
    I have enjoyed your website and  I find it to be unique in the information that you present. You helped me to see that fighting and self defense may not be what it is generally thought to be. I was attacked three years ago and I realize that it stemmed from not considering two guys behind me. I was sucker punched in the back of my head,fell,tried to get up and run,but I stumbled and fell again. I covered up for the eventual stomping,not able to use the minimal amount of martial arts that I know. I was bruised and slightly bloodied,thank God nothing life threatening. I realized that I must be aware of my surroundings,which I am. Why did I end up not utilizing the techniques that I learned? When a cop came,she did not appear sympathetic,and had me to empty MY pockets,as though I was the perpertrator. I call the incident a random act of violence because I was not robbed,only assaulted.. What do you make of this incident? Also,which of your books do you recommend in light of my situation? I am not a fighter by the general consensus,or street wise. I avoid trouble and stay alert. Again, thanks for your insightful website. Take care.

Violence happens for all kinds of reasons, some good, some bad and some entirely personal to the person/people committing it.

Trying to figure out 'why' things happen is often like nailing Jell-O to a tree. The more you try, the more things slip away from just any ONE answer -- especially an 'easy answer.'

In many ways a conflict/violent encounter can be likened a stock car race. But instead of cars you have different motivations racing towards the finish line. During the process different motivations take the lead, then fall back and another one takes over. I use this analogy to explain to people how things can -- and will -- change within the process itself, but the process remains basically the same.

A good book on the subject is Rory Miller's 'Meditations on Violence'

Of particular interest in your case is a thing he calls "The Group Monkey Dance" Short version is people become violent against an 'outsider' to prove their commitment to the group.

And as for the cops, unfortunately, this is common. Ever heard the old saw "It takes two to fight?" I tell people, "95% of the time people are lying to cops about violence." It makes the cops real jaded and suspicious when it comes to someone claiming "I'm the victim here."  Often it's some guy who was fighting (misbehaving too) and then lost the physical fight, but he still wants to win. So he sics the cops on the other guy. This happens ALL the time, and that's pretty much why you got checked out.

As for books, well, how about a DVD?

It tells you when to get out of situation BEFORE it blows up.

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