Private Investigations and Personal Security/We are being watched by ex-husband's hired pi's.


Hi. Eight year's ago, I divorced my husband and father of our now eight year old son. He was physically violent and emotionally abusive to me during our 1 year marriage. I begged our court system here in Ohio to not allow my ex to be alone with our child, but they gave equal time. Not even two months into equal time he beat my 18 month old baby boy. Of course then the court listened, and I gained full and permanent custody. Not even 3 years into the 5 year restraining order the court granted my ex parenting time with my son. Long story short, he emotionally and mentally abused my son, secretly, until finally last year my son told me. My ex now is only allowed to see my son in a supervised facility one hour a week. But my ex will not give up. We are due for trial on this matter in less than 10 day's. I am pro se, representing my son's defense, with no attorney, and so is my ex. During our divorce 8 year's ago my husband brought to trial his hired private investigators, who testified they watched my every move. I thought that was over until now. I requested this time the court put my ex through a psychiatric evaluation, and they did. The results came back that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is not stable to say the least. I am seeing car's sit outside my home. They are watching my house. They have are there at the same time's in the morning when my son walk's to school. The thing is I live across for this public school. And it almost look's as though it could be a parent just watching their child too. But even the crossing guard was alarmed by this car sitting in this peculiar spot today, rolling the driver's side window up and down. No one else parks their and no child ever get's in or out of the car's(there has been two different ones). We also had to chase a car away this past weekend, sitting outside my home for over an hour. My husband(as I am now re-married), asked them to leave. But before the lady would roll down her window she pulled out a hand held recorder, then rolled down the window for him. She left, but I am still noticing car's passing my house slowly and repeating drive by's. I made a police report and took photo's of these suspicious car's, but I am only looking crazy I think. About a month or so ago I got a phone call from my ex also. I know his voice. He asked if I was a "community mental health facility"..and then laughed. I made a police report immediately and follow through with tracing the phone call with my phone company. But of course it wasn't able to be traced to him. It came back an out of state number. The prosecutor told me this can be easily done using apps on cell phones now a day's. I am in fear of this man for myself and my family. I don't know how to prove what is happening, and who would believe me. I forgot to mention there is a current CPO against my ex., protecting myself "on behalf of my son". Please if you can give me any advice, I will greatly appreciate it!!


I'm sorry you are having such a terrible time with your ex.

It is good that you have a professional's diagnosis for his mental issue, Narcissistic Personalty Disorder. There are several personality disorders, none of which are curable.  Narcissists aren't necessarily the most dangerous, fortunately, but they are persistent and certainly can be dangerous, as your ex has shown.  Try to learn as much as you can about NPD, and how to deal with someone who has it.  Here are a couple of resources I just found: (that one suggests finding a support group of other people dealing with similar issues)

You might try to learn all you can about NPD before your court appearance, so you can be armed with knowledge about the parts of it that your ex shows most strongly, can't be changed by treatment, and will endanger you or your son.  You should know enough about this to educate the judge about NPD if needed; don't just say "He's unstable."

I looked for some books about dealing with narcissists, but most of them are either for people staying with their narcissist or who have not yet left.  You are well beyond that.  You might take a look at "Disarming the Narcissist", inexpensive used from Amazon, to see if it might help.

THe fact that you have a CPO is great, too.  Does it only keep him away from you?  If so, you might try to get it extended to keep not just him but any agent of his (friend, private investigator, etc.) away, too.  Then you might be able to go after the people in those cars, legally.

Here's another idea.  Try to enlist the help of the crossing guard at your son's school.  Have the guard talk to anyone in the cars you suspect, letting them know that a non-parent hanging around a school is very suspicious behavior, and if they don't leave immediately and not come back, the guard will have police come and make them move.  (Be sure the guard will really do this.)

See if a local women's shelter can help you find an affordable family lawyer to help you with your court appearances.  

I hope this helps.  Good luck with your court appearance.  Stay safe,  Lyn  

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Lyn Bates


Are you being stalked? I can help evaluate the amount of danger you are in, and can provide very specific suggestions for increasing your safety, and for managing your situation. As a founding member and the current Vice President of AWARE (a volunteer, nonprofit organization), I have helped thousands of women learn to protect themselves from crimes ranging from minor harassment to serious assault. I am currently writing a book on safety for stalking victims. I have lectured at annual training meetings of the American Society of Law Enforcement Training, Women in Federal Law Enforcement, the International Women Police Association, the American Society of Criminology, and the American Women`s Self-Defense Association. In 1997, the American Tactical Shooting Association gave me their annual Tactical Advocate Award for teaching and writing.

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