Private Investigations and Personal Security/What do I look for


My husband has been making phone calls to a woman, this is the only evidence that something is wrong. When I confronted him with what I knew he said it was nothing and that I had nothing to worry about, and that he wouldn't call her again because it made me uncomfortable. Come to find out he has called her again and after I saw it on his phone and brought it to his attention later the next day he deleted her number from his record, but I had already seen it so that make things even more suspicious. I don't think he realizes that I can look up the phone record online, so I will abide my time and see what happens, any other ideas?

It does sound like there is some evidence he may be seeing this other person.......

Here are a few tips regarding recognizing a cheating spouse:


Cheating Spouses!

The following is a guide to help you determine if a spouse or mate
is possibly cheating on you. However, if many of these factors are
present we don't suggest you confront them immediately. This would
only cause them to refrain from the activity for sometime and you
could make a false accusation. Take your time and if necessary,
seek the help of a someone like us.

At the beginning of an affair, the cheating person is usually more
attentive to their spouse or loved one. This is due to the guilt
associated with the activity. After the affair has continued, the
person will often find unnecessary "fault" with their spouse or
loved one. Again this can be attributed to their guilty conscious.
They tend to begin losing interest in activities at home. Ignoring
family events, children, and even routine chores, can be a sign that
something is going on. Often there is a general change in their
attitude toward the entire family. Look for a sudden change in sexual
activity, either more or less often, couple with requests for
"unusual" acts.  Grooming habits will change. Cheaters tend to
become a little more "attractive."

Pay attention to changes in their choice of clothing, cologne/perfume,
physical fitness, etc. Clothing can often show signs of an affair.
Check for stains, odors, or unknown cologne/perfume. Remember the
old saying, "if you play you must pay!" This applies to affairs from
a financial point. Keep a close eye on money, check and credit card
statements to see if they are spending more than usual or in places
they are not normally involved with.

Keep track of the mileage on their vehicles and compare it with the
distance to and from work. If a person should be driving a daily total
of 25 miles and there are an unexplained 50 extra miles three days a
week, it may be a direct indication of concern.

Here is a checklist to consider when you think they may be cheating.
Again, it is not a fool-proof way of determining they are seeing
someone else but these are common indicators:

* Working a lot of overtime without realizing additional income
and the overtime comes at a moments notice.

* Excessive use of the Internet.  Hides the passwords from you
and frequently erases the computer's history.

* Additional mileage on the vehicle odometer.

* Hanging out with new friends that you have never met or don't know
much about.

* Smells of perfume or alcohol.

* Hiding the phone/cell bill or having it mailed to another address
possibly a P.O. Box.

* Purchase of a personal pager.

* A Change in sexual habits.  Loss of sexual interest or change in
sexual style.  Showers often.  Slips and calls you a new pet name.

* Does not wear a wedding ring.  Weak excuses, such as "They're
dangerous around machinery".

Domestic - At Home

* Sudden increase in time away from home
* Decreased sexual interest
* Subject is often distracted and day dreaming
* Subject is often unavailable at work
* Subject attends more work functions alone
* Cell phone calls are not returned in timely fashion
* Subject leaves house or goes to other rooms to talk on the phone
* Subject uses computer alone and secretly
* Subject asks about your schedule more often than usual
* Mileage on car is high when only short distance errands are run
* Clothes smell of perfume, massage oil residue and sex
* Clothes contain makeup or lipstick smudges
* Subject gets his laundry done independently
* Viagra usage increases


* Credit card bills contain unusual gifts, travel, restaurant and
"unspecified" charges.  The bills are sent to a location you don't
have access to.
* Gas credit cards contain uncommon locations of gas stations.  
* Unexplained payments on bank statements
* Subject has more cash on hand without accountability
* Cell phone bills contain calls with long duration
* Home phone and calling card records contain calls with long duration
* Business phone records contain unusual calls
* Subject has unexplained receipts or personal effects in wallet


* Subject has suspicious phone voice-mail messages
* Subject has suspicious cell phone numbers stored or dialed
* Subject has suspicious pager messages
* Unknown pager numbers stored in subject's memory
* Internet web browser history list (this is a record of web sites
visited) contains unusual sites
* Frequent visits to Internet free e-mail accounts
* Uncommon e-mail messages
* Uncommon deleted e-mail messages



1. Keep your mouth closed and your eyes and ears open.
2. Keep a detailed journal of your spouse's activities.
3. See if there is a pattern to your spouse's 'extra' times away.
4. Record times and dates of phone calls that are hang-ups and/or
wrong numbers.
5. Check his or her pockets for receipts.
6. If your spouse travels, call a couple hours after their nightly
phone call home.
7. Call unknown phone numbers from a pay phone, say nothing, see
if you can identify who answers.
8. Smell your spouse's clothing.
9. Check the mileage on the car before and after trips.
10. Become unpredictable.
11. Show up at your spouse's office for lunch without notice.
12. Say you're working late when you plan on being home early or
on time.
13. Read their email.
14. Go through their wallet or purse.
15. Hire a private detective.

Final Tips:

1. If you let your spouse know you suspect them of cheating they
are apt to make fewer mistakes than if you act dumb.

2. Do not accuse your spouse of cheating until you have enough
evidence to prove it and you're ready to take action.

3. If you are cheating on your spouse, do not assume that your
spouse has to be cheating on you.


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