Private Investigations and Personal Security/security


Hi Lyn..I've been suspisious of my upstairs neighbor for 2 yrs.  He always seemed strange and weird to me. When he's coming or going, he always looks at my window, or in my if he'll be able to see me. Also, when he comes inside the apartment, he has to pass my door to get to his...again, he always looks at my door. He's spoken to me several times, and other circumstances lead me to believe that he was very interested in me.  The clencher is that, there was a trip I took, and he was also along for the trip.  We spoke and he began to strike up a conversation.  He said "You and I are very much alike." I asked why would he say that and he said "You're a Pisces, just like I am." I asked him how did he know that and he said he had his ways of finding out.  He also said he knew my license plate number by heart and sometimes plays the number.  This creeped me out, and still does. How could this man possibly know my birthday and astrological sign?  Has he invaded my privacy some how?   Thank you for your time.  Paula  


Dealing with creepy neighbors is often very difficult.  In your case, he probably hasn't violated any laws yet, but you could check by googling your state laws against stalking or harassment.  If you can prove he is violating the law, or his lease, you can complain to the police or to your landlord, but if not, you are on your own.

You could keep some distance from himalwayslway keeping your window covered, and trying not to be in the hallway with him.  You don't want to be rude, but you do want to minimize contact with him.  Be prepared to turn him down, politely but firmly and clearly, if he asks you out.  If you decide to have a conversation with him on the topic of "I don't like what you have been doing, and I am not interested in going out with you, so stop it," be sure you are in a public place or where someone else is near by.

You might also want to beef up your home security, and take a self-defense class.  A good class will give you lots of strategies to use in different circumstances, and should greatly reduce the anxiety you currently feel.

As to how he got your birthdate, I can think of several was.  Some states will give out public information (including birthdate) to anyone who asks for the record associated with a particular license plate.  There are also various websites that can provide this kind of information; google "find birthday" or "find birthdate" to see some.  Unfortunately, not much personal information is actually private these days.

  Stay safe,


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Lyn Bates


Are you being stalked? I can help evaluate the amount of danger you are in, and can provide very specific suggestions for increasing your safety, and for managing your situation. As a founding member and the current Vice President of AWARE (a volunteer, nonprofit organization), I have helped thousands of women learn to protect themselves from crimes ranging from minor harassment to serious assault. I am currently writing a book on safety for stalking victims. I have lectured at annual training meetings of the American Society of Law Enforcement Training, Women in Federal Law Enforcement, the International Women Police Association, the American Society of Criminology, and the American Women`s Self-Defense Association. In 1997, the American Tactical Shooting Association gave me their annual Tactical Advocate Award for teaching and writing.

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