Private Investigations and Personal Security/stalker


I have a stalker and the police told me that if I don't have ANY evidence, is difficult to have a 'case'. I rented a p.o. box to keep all my correspondence and I do not use my address at all, unlisted phone #, garage to hide my car you name it. And on top of that, I find my address, in the Internet on different web-sites like ..Switchboard, White Pages,Intelius,  etc,etc. this is so unfair, I have kept a very low profile of my life but still this brokers are selling my information. And my phone keep ringing (hang up's and out of area) What can I do? Any help will be appreciated.

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with a stalker.  Being stalked or harassed can be a very upsetting, even frightening experience.

You are very smart to use a PO box and to be extremely careful who knows your actual address.  You say you have an unlisted phone number - is it unpublished as well?  There is a difference.  You should call your phone company and ask to speak to someone who has been trained to deal with stalking and harassment calls.  Find out from them what the phone company can do, and what you can do, to avoid these calls, or to find out who is making them in a way that the police can use as proof of stalking.

You might also talk to a local lawyer about whether you could get a restraining order against your stalker.  Sometimes the police are more willing to get involved if there is a RO in place.

You should keep a log of every time your stalker tries to contact you, watches you or takes an action that frightens you.

Most stalkers don't become violent, but some do.  It is hard to predict who will be violent and who won't.  Many stalking victims find that the fear they feel is greatly reduced after they take steps to protect themselves.  When you are prepared to deal with any situation, you are safer, and you feel safer.

Have you had any self-defense training?  One of the best things you could possibly do is to get some good training.  In most places around the country, you can find good programs that teach you how to fight against a mock assailant who is wearing protective padded gear so he can be kicked and hit full force.  For this sort of unarmed physical fighting, try to find a course that is about 20 hours long, not a single day or evening.  One such program, Impact, has a decades long history of students who proved capable of defending themselves.  Check out the chapter list at or  If there is none where you live, call the closest and ask if they can recommend an instructor in your area.  A newer group is Rape Aggression Defense (RAD), which is popular on many campuses (  Another good resource is the American Women's Self Defense Association,; they have a database of self-defense instructors around the country.  A good self-defense class will give you a lot of information and skill regarding how to deal with potentially dangerous situations successfully.  You will be amazed at what you can learn!

Good luck with these activities.  Most stalkers can be discouraged by some combination of avoiding them and getting the police involved.  I hope this helps you.  Stay safe.

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Lyn Bates


Are you being stalked? I can help evaluate the amount of danger you are in, and can provide very specific suggestions for increasing your safety, and for managing your situation. As a founding member and the current Vice President of AWARE (a volunteer, nonprofit organization), I have helped thousands of women learn to protect themselves from crimes ranging from minor harassment to serious assault. I am currently writing a book on safety for stalking victims. I have lectured at annual training meetings of the American Society of Law Enforcement Training, Women in Federal Law Enforcement, the International Women Police Association, the American Society of Criminology, and the American Women`s Self-Defense Association. In 1997, the American Tactical Shooting Association gave me their annual Tactical Advocate Award for teaching and writing.

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