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About Livvy
Expertise
Hey! I'm Livvy! I can basically answer any questions - arguments with friends, bullying, fall outs, coping when a best friend gets a new best friend, making friends, mean girls, friends dieing, and lies and rumours getting out of hand and just general bad situations. I can't really think of any questions I can't answer but if I can't answer a question - I put 100% effort into finding an answer for you!- So just ask a question and I'll answer! Livvy x x x

Experience
Most of my experience I got from life and high school, alot of things go on without teachers knowing and you have to be able to sort them out yourself - so i've been through most of these problems that I'm answering questions on so I know how it feels, and can answer accordingly.

Organizations
I did yahoo answers and answered alot of questions on this subject and a vast majority of them were voted best.

Education/Credentials
I was given a few lessons at school with dealing with friendships, bullying and hard times so I can tell what is the best way to go about doing things with out being too pushy on the asker.

Awards and Honors
When on yahoo answers most of my questions were voted best by the asker.

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > Problems with Friends > freind in depression

Problems with Friends - freind in depression

Expert: Livvy - 10/31/2009

Question
hi, my name is siraj
i have a friend called mimi.
she came from dubai (she lived there her whole life)
now she has come to libya (3rd world country)
and she is really depressed about it.
not only does she miss hefriends
but in libya boys and girls dont mix alot.
so some random guy comes walking and sais straight away.
I WANT HER as in marriage
he calls his mum. who actually comes to he and calls her and meets her wanting to do this proposal.
kk, this is all with the lac of tcnology, no beauty products, sl internt, crap channels, boys wolfin her in every direction.
so she is really depessed
you would find her crying by herself in a desserted place of the university.
as her best friend, how can i help her.
ive tried cheering her up. it works but she goes home and the same thing happens again.
also badrumors have been going around.
saying that she sends the boy messages at night and that he gave him her number. and that shes shown him her house.
SO AS A BEST FRIEND. PLEASE TELL ME HOW CAN I HELP HER.
thank you

Answer
Hey, Here are some great steps for depression:

1) Research. If you don't know much about depression, it's harder to recognize dangerous symptoms and be able to offer some relief. It's not hard to learn a lot about depression. There are websites, books, magazine and newspaper articles, and of course, many doctors. Ask people who know the disease about what it really is. Look it up and determine what type of depression your friend has/may have. Look over the symptoms, various medications and other treatments. The more you know, the easier it is to help.

2) Listen. Although you may think that the last thing your friend wants to do is talk to you about depression, you could be wrong. Sometimes a friend just needs someone to talk to. Actively listen without judging or giving advice. Depression is an issue that people sometimes feel they must hide, in order to maintain their usual life. Either that or they are only just coming to terms with it themselves, let alone the idea of letting other people in on it. However, from time to time, your friend may open up, or express the desire to talk to you. When this happens, be understanding and kind. Don't interrupt, don't try to convince them they're wrong, and try not to react in horror. It can be difficult to hear about how terrible your friend feels, but remember that they're trusting you. Value this trust and keep it close.

3) Acknowledge. Tell the person suffering from depression that you've noticed that they seem down or depressed lately.

4) Find out EXACTLY why your friend is depressed. Is it only the problem about the move and this boy! LISTEN TO HER SIDE OF THE STORY! Ask carefully and gently, don't get upset if they're slow to tell you. Some people take longer than others to talk. If they say they don't have a reason, it's probably true.

5)Try to understand. (You probably do already but it can help you figure out a way to help her) Every person's story is different, and so it is impossible to completely understand. However, keeping an open mind and putting yourself in your friend's shoes can help you come closer to them. Once you've done your research, you should know a lot more about depression. Apply the symptoms and emotions to yourself, and contemplate how you would feel if this was happening to you. Call upon things your friend has done or told you, and try to understand why and what they mean. In times of need, having someone understand can be all the relief in the world.

6) Don't tell your friend that life is still worth living and that this situation will improve and the sadness will get better. This trivializes their pain and will not help.

7) (This one sounds silly - but sometimes we don't realize how hard depression can be on a person!) Encourage your friend not to abuse drugs. People with depression can be much more vulnerable to the negative effects that occur when recreational drugs wear off. If your friend is taking antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication, encourage them not to make any changes without talking to their doctor or psychiatrist. Taking more than they were prescribed can be dangerous, and going off the medication suddenly may make them feel much worse. Avoid alcohol as well - nobody is going to conquer depression with a hangover.

8) Be patient. Because depression is heavy, slow moving and unpredictable, it can frustrate and even anger those who are trying to help. Remember that depression is a complex disease, and try to understand that the depressed person is not herself or himself right now. If your friend doesn't seem to appreciate your efforts, or is pushing you away, don't walk off in a temper. Give them space or give them comfort if they need it, and be there for them, no matter how much they believe you don't need to be.

9) Advise them to seek professional help. Depression is not something that goes away by itself after a while. This is probably the most difficult step. Sometimes, a depressed person is more than happy to talk about it, go to a therapist, have people know, and start the healing process. But other times, they will argue, refuse, deny things, and often get angry and defensive. It is a serious mental illness. However, just because your friend doesn't want you to get involved, it doesn't justify you standing there and letting the problem get worse. Be sensible. If your friend is sounding like they are harming themselves or are thinking of suicide, you need to alert somebody.Encourage the person to start with a family doctor or local mental health associations. Offer to help them find resources or counseling services.

10) Don't push too hard. If it makes your friend feel worse to face up to their problems, do not force them to continue. Sometimes analysing a person's past can make them feel WORSE rather than better; in this case, focus on how they feel now and how they want to be in future, and forget whatever caused them to feel depressed. Leave it in the past until they are ready to either deal with it or let it go.

I understand you maybe want to get more envolve than the tips I have giving you - but depression is complicated and I don't want you to put yourself under the pressure of carrying hers aswell! It's up to her to help herself! - You can be encouraging and helpful or possibly talk to this guy about how he's making her feel!

I hope that's helped!
Good Luck
Livvy
x x x

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