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Problems with Parents/change of behaviour of 5 year old girl


Good day Jan,
I am writing here to share my difficulties with my 5 year old daughter and possibly achieve solution.
My child is a very friendly girl, loves to play all the time. This year she has started going to year 1 in the primary school after finishing her kindergarten.

while she was in kindergarten, she loved to go to school. improved herself a lot and also reported by the teachers to be a nice/sweet and attentive girl. But ever since she started year 1 in new school, she does not like to go to school any more. She is so scared that at middle of night she wakes up and cries not to go to school. Reading her eyes, i can tell you it is not that she is annoyed, rather she is scared.

i went to her school one day a bit earlier and tried to figure out what went wrong! I saw she is not comfortable to mix with other kids - also no kids coming to talk to her. Also there are a huge number of kids more than in her last school. Also she is the only girl in her class from Bangladesh, rest all are white skin kids. I thought this might be the reason distracting her from the school.

Can you pls advice, what should (as parents) we do/help her to

- become more confident
- become more smart to mix with any crowd.
- overcome fear of others.
- become same as before and don't hesitant to go to school any more.

would much appreciate your help in this regard

kind regards

Hi Mohammad;
I am so sorry that your little girl has to go through must be so upsetting to her and to you as well. A childs feelings are so fragile at that age, that you just want to put a bubble around them to protect them as much as possible. But, you are a good parent because you recognize when something is wrong in your childs life and a lot of parents don't notice these things. So may I first praise you for being so aware of your child and her feelings, thats the sign of a good parent-congratulations.

The age that she is in is a hard one to begin with. She is stretching her thinking, coming into contact with a variety of kids that she hasn't had to deal with before and she is learning more about the 'real' world. A very hard time for a child to adapt to, but it is part of growing up.

From what you are telling me, I think that you should contact the school and see what type of help the teacher can offer. Sometimes they see things that they have control in being able to help with. My guess is that your daughter doesn't have a 'friend' yet that accepts her which is making this hard for her. She feels like she is an outsider and being that she is shy, she doesn't know how to make it better. A teacher can put her into a group to work on a special project, team her up with someone to work on something together or team her up in games on the playground. This way more kids get to know her and what she is really like.

It sounds to me that what is going on is that she is shy, so she holds back and being that she is different, kids stay away from her because they haven't had a chance to learn about her. In adult life, we just go for it and meet new people but children hold back. I don't think this is a type of bullying, I think it is just a type of having to make things happen for her.

Is there something that she is interested in that you can help to get her involved in? Does she like to be involved in sports, reading, where you can get her involved in a group of kids that have the same 'likes' as she does. It would help her to have friends that like the same things she does.

Your right, she is scared, she doesn't have a friend and she feels like she is all alone. Talk to the teacher and that will help to make things better because there is so much that she/he can do to help if they are aware of the problem.

If that doesn't work, I would suggest changing her to a school where there are more kids that are of her ethnic origin and it would make her feel like she is not alone.

There are also child psychologists on this website that may have some more ideas for you. This is normal for a child of this age, and they can give some suggestions as well.

Good luck and give her a 'special' hug from me.
Jan Hayner

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Jan Hayner


I will answer all questions regarding children and parents interaction, discipline, emotional levels,chore planning, childrens responsibilities and everyday problems etc.


I am the mother of 4 and grandma of 8 and have been raising kids all of my life, not only my own, but most of their friends as well. I use my information from life experiences to give you the best advice and direction that I can.

Girl Scout Leader, Boy Scout Den Mother,Bluebird Leader, PTA President for 5 years, Member of E4E (Education for Employment/High School Level), Sunday School Teacher for 8 years, Volunteer for Football(wrote the news), Baseball(set up programs for the kids), and have been involved with all the generations in school with all of my children and grandchildren.

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