Problems with Parents/grandson
QUESTION: I have a 25 yr old daughter who has a son who will be two all she does is holler and scream at him hes a loving boy but he has started screaming and crying all at once. I told her I'm tired of watching him get abused and that's EXCACTLY what it is. she gets mad at me they live with me and my husband who's been in her life almost 25 years. Recently she found out the man who said he was her father is not, and another man is now saying he is we are waiting to take a home DNA to find out. Shes disrespectful to me and just last night told me to SHUT UP not in my house is she gona talk like this to me or my HUSBAND! I need some advice I dont know what else to do please help me before I LOOSE IT. and thats if I have'nt already lost her and my grandson over my past. Thank You so much
ANSWER: Hi Karen;
that is a confusing situation for all of you, so sorry to hear about your problems, but they an all be fixed, it will just take time.
First of all, your daughter is frustrated with her life and is taking out on all of you, but she doesn't realize it. Second, you mention her father, but you don't mention anything about the father of your grandson, that would help me in how I am going to answer. Third, we all make mistakes in life, the thing is-we have to learn from them.
Sit your daughter down to have a long talk and I would advise that you have grandpa and your grandson go to McDonalds.
Tell her that you wanted to explain some things to her and then be honest about your past life. In the same way you need to tell her that you have felt guilty for some of the choices that she has made because they remind you of your past mistakes. You two need to find a common ground and work together to make your lives better and this is a starting point.
Please let me know about your grandsons father. I have more to tell you, but that part is important as to what I will say to you. Please write back
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QUESTION: Hi Ms, Jan Yes its all confusing My grandsons father is in Jail he recently robbed KFC and that's where he is and my daughter was the one who called crimestoppers to reported him for reward money i guess .. I know he's to young to understand but shes telling him hes in Califorina with his sister. but according to his mother all they did was argue, I have such a hard time listening to her hollering at him he don't deserve it. NO CHILD DOES ! and all I hear is I should let her raise her son and that's fine. I'm the one buying the diapers and otc meds and ripping and running them to daycare and her job assignment because she don't work rite at this moment. she's my daughter and I LOVE her but I dont know what else to do. I know she's ANGRY and much more but do I need peace in my house. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, SINCERLY Karen
Hi again Karen;
Thank you for giving me all of the details. It really helps me to get a good idea of where things are at.
Right now, you have a spoiled little girl on your hands that hasn't had to accept responsibility for her actions. She thinks that she can make the rules without having to do the work-if you get what I mean.
First, lets go into babies Daddy. He was looking for money the easy way, which tells me that she also doesn't really want to work and if she could get out of it, she would. She turned him in, whether itwas for the money or because she wanted to get him out of her life and that was an easy way of doing it. Either way, it was a poor choice.
Second, why do I call her 'spoiled'. Mainly because whatever she pulls, she gets away with it. You and grandpa are shouldering the burden of paying the bills, taking care of your grandson and trying to get her to get her life together. In which she should be the ones taking on the responsibility instead she lays it on you and then wants you to keep your nose out of her business.
Third, She is working as a 'have to' not a need or want to. So that tells me that she is being pushed into it, but doesn't want to further herself of actually make something of herself. OR-she dos, but doesn't know how to go about it and is afraidto ask. She is 25 and should have these answers or know where to get them, but she doesn't have a clue. So, it is time for her to make some major decisions for her and her son. Now, it will take your help in order for her to get it done, but you two will have to work as a team in order to better her life. Maybe she will have the nerve to tell 'daddy dearest' not to come back when he gets out of jail, but it will take some fast work.
Now, that is the way I see it from what you told me. Is this right, am I understanding it right? Let me know and then we will be able to get down to what to do next and how to go about helping your entire family.