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Problems with Parents/Toddler always wants to play and does not want to come home


My son is 3 years old. He leaves home at 8:15 am for his school. After school finishes at 12:00 pm, he goes to a daycare till 5:30 pm (since both me and my husband are working). At 5:30, he goes to a playground for an hour. He loves going to the school, daycare and the playground. We pick him up from the playground around 6:45 pm and reach home around 7:30 pm. Till the time we reach our home, he is very happy and cuddly and loving... but the moment we arrive home, he just doesn't want to go inside. He always wants to run-off to the neighbors home to play. He doesnít listen, doesnít want to wash-up or change his clothes or eat anything. He is ready to wash up at the neighbors place though. If we do not allow him to go, he starts crying and screaming and throwing tantrums. We have tried to reason n number of times with him that he can go on weekends. It is not that we donít want him to go there for play however, playing there really disrupts his routine and schedule Ė dinner, brushing and sleeping and then getting up in the morning to get ready for school. Any amount of diversion tactics seem to fail and there is always a struggle to bring him in and make him stop crying. We are always wary till we are inside the home with him. The neighbours feel as if we donít want to send our kid to their place.
This all is driving us crazy and we are really at our witís end to figure it out. This is really stressing us out.. After a busy and hectic day at work and being away from my son for such a long time, I really look forward to spend some time with him at home. However, it seems that he doesnít want to spend any time with us. This behavior of his makes me real sad and frustrated and angry. Would really appreciate if you could help us out and give some advice as to how we stop this.
Thanks in advance.

Dear Shweta;
Please re-reaad the letter that you wrote, your answer is right in there! If you look athow you wrote it, you will find that your son has a very structured life and he likes it. The problem is---that structure isn't there when he is with you. reread it and see what I mean.
He goes to school=structure
He goes to daycare=structure
He goes to playground=structure
He goes to the neighbors=structure
Those are all places where he is told what to do and how to do it. Hehas 'rules' to follow and he knows what they are and the important thing is--he likes it.
You then go on to tell me that you reason with him, use diversion tactics etc. That is telling him that there aren't any rules to follow, you are trying to make a deal! He has been brought up by listening to others and due to your work hours, it is from everyone else except you.
He is telling you that he wants rules and structure at home too.
Even at three years old, kids have a way of looking for guidance from the people that 'expect it from him'.
Try setting ground rules, pay attention to what the rules are in the places that he goes to every day and it will help you.
On the way home, talk about his day, what did he do.
Give him the list of what will happen when you get home: ie, it is your job to------, when you are finished we will eat-----, etc. give him a list.
I know that will help, it is what he is used to and he loves it.
Good Luck,
Jan Hayner

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Jan Hayner


I will answer all questions regarding children and parents interaction, discipline, emotional levels,chore planning, childrens responsibilities and everyday problems etc.


I am the mother of 4 and grandma of 8 and have been raising kids all of my life, not only my own, but most of their friends as well. I use my information from life experiences to give you the best advice and direction that I can.

Girl Scout Leader, Boy Scout Den Mother,Bluebird Leader, PTA President for 5 years, Member of E4E (Education for Employment/High School Level), Sunday School Teacher for 8 years, Volunteer for Football(wrote the news), Baseball(set up programs for the kids), and have been involved with all the generations in school with all of my children and grandchildren.

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