Problems with Parents/Mother Problems
Hello I'm 17 and living in the UK, my mother seems to be shouting at me for no reason. The first thing she brought up was my late bedtimes of around 3am, she claims it is making me go to sleep in the day, making me lose weight and lowering my grades at school. In actual fact my grades have improved, I've gained much needed weight and I'm feeling much more energetic on 5 hours sleep than I would on the 8-10 hours she recommends for me. My main reasons for staying up late is so I can maintain a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and doing and improving my college work. She also keeps saying I don't do enough around the house a dumps more chores on me around my busy college schedule when previously I did the vacuuming, laundry, some of the cooking and all responsibilities for the family pet. She also says we don't act as a family because we spend time in separate rooms, which me and my sister do to avoid our mother ridiculing us and we have a lack of similar interest with our mother and she just seems to roll her eyes at anything we say. She also wants me to have a social life which I struggle with as I have social anxiety plus I have a lack of time as I'm trying to balance other aspects of my life. I've tried explaining to her but she isn't accepting any of my points. This whole problem is dragging me towards clinical depression and I just feel like I might snap a wire soon, what can I do to stop or a least help my problem with my mother?
First, let me explain from a 'moms' point of vie.
Staying up all night isn't giving you the amount of sleep that was programed into our heads as we wer growing up. Gaining weight--she doesn't notice it because she isn't seeing what you are putting into your mouth because you are always in your bedroom. Doing more chores---it is the only way that she is going to see you and maybe have some kind of interaction with you, so she making things up so you get out of your room. Rolling her eyes--she doesn't understand a thing you are saying because we come from a different generation and she hasn't been in tune with yours.
Basically, what I am saying is that she misses her kids, doesn't feel like she is a part of your lives and she feels the distanc get bigger and bigger....so she is panicking-big time.
Your side: I understand completely because I was the same way. The difference is, my mom and I communicated and she understood once I took the time to explain it to her. BUT, I also reenforced that it was because of what she taught me, that I had the drive that I did, the guts to work towards a goal and if I -ever- had trouble, I always knew that she would be right there to help me through it.-----get the idea?
Believe me, if you re-enforce some of those things and your sibling too. You will see a big change in mom. Don't forget to make a 'date' night with mom that you guys can justspend time together even if it means just going along with her to the grocery store---she will go into shock!!!! Just ask her if she minds if you tag along since you have been so busy, you 'miss her'. But get ready---the eyes will get watery--but she will understand a lot!
Good luck, but I think you will do just fine-now that you understand.