AboutAlan Auerbach Expertise Taught psychology for 30 years, authored four textbooks. Specialize in introductory and industrial/organizational psychology, but will tackle wider range of areas.
Expert: Alan Auerbach Date: 7/24/2008 Subject: aggression
Question I have a question regarding a close relative of mine. He is overly aggressive,
to the point that it is scary. He has just had a car accident, where he got
badly hurt, and he says that he wishes that other people could feel his pain,
and experience what hurt he had to go through. He had the same aggression
previous to the crash, also. He has a lot of hatred and aggression for most
people. He even wishes death upon a lot of people. He feels that if he hurts
someone, that "deserves" it, it is okay. For example, someone that recently
stole something of his was found and he fought them, and yelled profanities
at them. He felt bad afterwards, and drank himself drunk to relieve his
feelings of guilt. When we were discussing it, he said that it was okay
because he "deserved" it. But this man has an extreme sweet and loving side
to him as well, which confuses me. He loves his wife, and never ever hurts
her, let alone even has any slight arguments with her. It is a wonder to me.
He has a strong, close, relationship with me, with no aggression whatsoever.
What should I do? I want to help him. What is wrong with him?
Answer Hi Lori
I can't be much help because there's no way to know the origins of this attitude and resulting behavior pattern, and even if we did know, that might not help change it.
The promising aspects are that he knows how to act pro-socially, and you have an "in" with him, so I think it would be worthwhile for you to talk with him. What to say is harder to recommend. Generally, you want to start off when the atmosphere is positive and private, and it's most effective to drape the advice in positive terms -- how pleasant he is when he makes the effort, and how dangerous it could be for him to let the other side come out -- to his health and his safety.
You might look into anger management programs, which are available in most communities. They might be able to offer some tips for you to use.
Hope that helps a bit. The world needs more people like you. Good luck.
