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Psychiatry & Psychology--General/My sister stole my friends and life

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Cole wrote at 2013-03-31 23:10:00
I completely disagree actually. Maybe you've never been in such a position but this position has been my entire life. I've had plenty of friends throughout my life but very few have been so close that I've considered them "best friends". Sure enough, every single one of my "best friends" are now better friends with my sister than with me. I'm 20 and she's 19 and she has always been the one person in my life that I care for the most. I have gone out of my way for her every chance given and even sacrificed things that I needed or wanted just so that I would be able to give her what she needed or wanted. Never does she thank me in a sincere way or try to repay me. Not that I do it for the repayment, not at all, but it just goes to show how differently we care about each other. When she was a freshman in college, she didn't have any friends in the town so I would invite her all the time to come hangout with me and my friends just thinking it would be until she found her own friends, but no. She over stepped the boundaries and, once again, she's stolen all my friends. Though I've been given the opportunity to, I've never once done this to her or even attempted to. The only thing I can think of is that some people just think differently about things than others. A lot of people, my sister and perhaps yours included, don't understand the effect their actions can have on others. They are selfish in that way. It's a frustrating situation and I honestly don't see any way out of it besides finding new friends. Unfortunately.  


Psychmajor wrote at 2015-08-17 00:45:59
While no one can "steal" friends, sometimes, manipulate jealous siblings will plot to form an "alliance" with friends that leave the targeted sibling out.



I grew up with a very jealous older sister and this would happen to me.  We were five years apart but she would get to know my friends that were closer to my age while I was around and then would purposely hang out with them if she saw them skipping class, etc. while I was in class and pretend that her interests aligned so much with theirs to "prove" that she would make a "better" friend than I would.  Finally, I would notice them barely speaking to me but immediately picking up long conversations with her.  By the end of the year, I would be known as "X's sister" when they knew me before her.



She would also "steal" my life in other ways.  If I developed a new interest, she would parade the new interest as hers, tell as many people as she can about her "new interest" until the idea is only associated with her and not me.  Then, she drops the new interest until I develop another one and then she does the same thing over and over.  She gets the same haircuts after me but tells everyone that she had it first, same with jewelry, nail polish, and now she even has her eyebrows shaped like mine.



Finally, I'm about to get married and she doesn't know and it will be forever before she meets my fiance because I know that she will try to steal him too - emotionally if not physically.



My advice to you would be to guard as much information as possible and stay away from her.  She will never stop.  She is mentally ill.  There really needs to be a branch of psychology that focuses specifically on extreme sibling rivalry.


Jenny wrote at 2015-11-08 21:01:28
I I totally understand. I'm 16 and my sisters 18. When we left school my friends stopped talking to me but kept in contact with my sister even though they hadn't even been friends. She would go out behind my back and not tell me. I found loads of messages on her phone one day and confronted her about it but she denied it. She then said that its not her fault my friends like her better. She is stayin go another year and I don't think I can bear it. Hang on it will get better. If it doesn't move away from her.


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Daniel S. Harrop, M.D.

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Dr. Daniel S. Harrop received his B.A. and his M.D., both from Brown, and his M.B.A. from the Edinburgh Business School, Scotland. Board-certified in adult and geriatric psychiatry, he is a past president of the R.I. Psychiatric Society and a member of the Committee on Medical Quality of the American Psychiatric Association and the Committee on Continuing Medical Education of the R.I Medical Society. He serves as a consultant to four of the top five major medical management companies, including OptumHealth/United Healthcare, Magellan Behavioral Health Services, ValueOptions and APS Healthcare, and maintains a private practice in Providence, R.I. He also serves as chief psychiatric consultant on the Medical Advisory Board at the R.I. Workers Compensation Court. He was formerly on the faculty at the medical schools at both Brown University and Harvard University.

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