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You are here: Experts > Health/Fitness > Mental Health > Psychiatry & Psychology--General > Dealing With Stress?
Expert: Daniel S. Harrop, M.D. - 11/5/2009
Question
Hello, and thank you for reading this.
Lately there's been a lot of stress going on around me, and I'm having a very hard time dealing with it all. I'm 16 years old, and I think that's part of the reason my parents will not listen to me. I've asked several times if I could see a therapist, just so I could have someone to talk to. I used to talk to my school counselor, but that ended when my mother went in and yelled at her, telling her she was over stepping her boundaries. I never hid it from my mom that I was talking to her, and she seemed okay with it at first. I love my mom very much, but she's a big part of my problems. About 2 years ago, she was overdosed by a doctor while trying to deal with her chronic pain problem, and since then she hasn't been the same. And I feel selfish and ashamed because I'm mad at her. She was there for my brother and sister, but now she's more childlike then I am and I've had to take care of her. She forgets everything, and can't seem to comprehend most things. And she's been on high dose pain killers for 12 years, and there is a pain problem, but there's also an addiction problem. Half the time she's in a coma like state, and when she runs out she just freaks over everything. We also having major financial issues, just like almost everyone else, and I am always stuck in the middle between my parents. My dad complains about how my mom doesn't understand when she can't buy something, and my mom complains about how my dad gets mad at her. Another major issue here is my brother, my moms 'baby'. My brother has schizophrenia, which he doesn't take his medication for, he also deals with other problems from his years over drug use and alcoholism. He's currently in prison, and my mom cries everyday day over it and I'm the one she seeks out to comfort her. I understand it's devastating to her, but he's my brother too, and I used to watch my friends who had older brothers that stood up for them and were around, and my brother never was. I have two sisters whom I love dearly. One is more of an adopted sister, but she's been a part of the family since I can remember. My half sister, Cassie, is the total opposite of me. Very self-absorbed. When she drinks, she doesn't know when to stop. She's ended up in detox multiple times, and blacked out while driving once, and for the past two years I've had to stay up when she went out, and take care of her when she came home. I feel that she's my big sister and that she should try to set a good-example and she doesn't. My other sister, I haven't seen in almost 3 years. Her husband is abusive to her, and my nephew. A few weeks ago, my mom and sister were worried about her, as was I, and wanted me to call her. The whole time they were telling me what to say to her, and I hate acting as a go between, but my mom is too much of a coward to call herself. We also made a big move recently. I grew up in the same small town for 12 years. I went to the same school K-10th Grade. We moved to a big city in a different state, to be closer to family. Both my moms and my dads, and my brother and sister's dad's family is here, none of which so I know very well. I've lived a very sheltered life. I heard about gang fights and people being shot, but it really was never a reality for me until we moved here. I hear gunshots all the time, and people have died in out area, and there's always sirens. And I'm not in school. My dad tried to sign me up, but I couldn't do it. We were there the day school started, I was ready to go, but I couldn't force myself to get out of the car. it was just overwhelming how scared I was to be around all those people. The only time I've left the house in the past two months was to go to my grandma's house. Even at my old school it was hard to get up each morning thinking of going there. And it's not that I don't like school, I used to love it. I always scored above average on the state tests they made us take each year, and was quite frankly, a teachers pet. It's being around all the people. Everytime I leave the house I feel people are watching me and judging me. It frightens me to think about what they think about me. When my friends don't answer the phone, I automatically think that they decided overnight that they don't want anything to do with me, and I know this is ridiculous, but I can't help thinking that. And for the past 5 years I've seen several doctors to figure out why I have shoulder pair. It used to just come on for a few days every couple of months, but it's gotten severely worse. I used to be proud of my ability to lift 2 50lbs grain sacks at once at 13 years old (Very much a hick town), but I've recently realized I can't do that anymore. And the pain has spread to my back, down my arm, my neck gets to where it hurts so bad I can't turn it, and chest pain. My dad pops my back everynight and it feels a bit better for about 3-4 hours and it comes back. And then I got RLS, and it worsens when I don't sleep. But usually I don't sleep for 3-7 days in a row before I get tired. Even then I'll go to sleep at 4 in the morning and only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep. And I'm afraid to take sleeping pills, as I really don't want to become dependant on them. Everytime I tell the doctors all this, the decide that since I'm a 16 year old girl, I can't possibly be feeling all of that, and their expressions, body language, and the way the talk to me makes me feel like they think I'm exaggerating, or I'm nuts, and after awhile I start believing it's all in my head, but it won't go away. I've been put on medication for depression a couple times, but each time I take it for 1 month, and tell my mom a few days before I run out that it needs filled, but it never gets filled and it's soon forgotten.
You must think I'm silly, and I apologize if I've taken up too much time, but it just's nice to be able to say something to someone. How do you suggest I deal with the stress of every day life? And is it possible my physical problems could have something to do with my inability to deal with stress?
Thank you
Answer
Yes, the physical problems could increase the stress, or vice versa, as stress increases physical problem. The usual way most people handle stress is physical activity, and if now, getting a counselor and learning some behavioral relaxation techniques should be helpful.
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