Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Strange Friendship !


Greetings !
Hoping all is well.
I would like your input on this matter.
About a year and a half ago and quite by accident I ran into an old HS Alumni that I had not seen in over 30 years.  He was walking his dog.  We got to talking and evidently established a rapport....he suggested that we meet for coffee and in fact we did so for several times.
We get along very well and so I invited him over my house for coffee.  He's married so I invited his wife as well but she declined to come.  I invited him a second time and again extended the invite to his wife and again she declined.
He came over and evidently had a good time but since that time I have not heard from him.
In the past I ran into all sorts of trouble in trying to keep a 'friendship' going --- maintaining an enthusiastic energy level and of course this got me into much trouble which I would like to avoid.
In the case of this 'association', I have had to be the one to be in the 'driver's seat' -- I make the phone calls plus the suggestions.  I do feel that its now turn for the other party to take the initiative.
Should I just sit back and wait for what this person will do next socially ?  I do wish to give him his 'space' and I am getting quite tired of always keeping the friendship going.
Please advise the best route to take in this case.
Thanks !


Thank you for your thoughtful questions about, maintaining friendships.

Many people find that friendships are challenged when one or both of the two friends get married.  Most married couples do not believe that each must strictly "approve" their partners' friends, but they also do not have to embrace them.

Friendships are more often strained in this way than not.

The problem may well be that your rekindled friend has not enough time to spend with the friends that his wife chooses not to socialize with and that rather than a rejection of you it is simply a matter of how little time we all have these days to devote to socializing.

If you want to maintain the friendship, back off on the frequency of initiating contact and gave him the possible break of his life being more complicated than yours socially because you do not have the issue of compromising time with your wife to be with him.

If he continues to not return calls, then be sad, but let it go.


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Andrew M. Elmore, Ph.D.


I can answer questions about: Stress. Headaches. Stress-related Disorders. Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Depression. Psychopathology. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Personal Problem Solving. Life in General. Relationships: Love, Friendship, Business Partner, Coworker, Family,Child/Parent. What makes us tick. The use of psycho-pharmacological agents in combination with psychological treatment. How to deal with evil people in your life. How to improve your outlook under duress. How to control stress. How to control mood. How to control headaches. I cannot answer: Questions about Eating Disorders. Questions about computers.


30 years in private practice as a psychologist in Manhattan. Dealing with people from almost every conceivable ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds, and as many character types as exist in this country. Dealing with patients from 8 years old to 90 years old. Pioneer in biofeedback and the treatment of stress-related disorders. Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine since 1982. Treatment of stress-related, anxiety and depressive disorders with biofeedback and cognitive behavioral therapy. Developed personal problem solving, an extremely precise form of psychotherapy. Relationship therapy for couples, families, parent/child issues, business partners, coworkers, employers, and dealing with psychopathic individuals in your life.

American Psychological Association. Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback. Biofeedback Certification Institute of America. New York Academy of Sciences.

The journal, Psychophysiology. The book, Expanding Dimensions of Consciousness. The journal, Headache. The journal, Biofeedback and Self-Regulation. The journal Psychiatry Digest. The book, The TMJ Book. The book, Dental Phobia. The network, CNN. Parade Magazine. The newspaper, Newsday. The Manhattan TV station, WCBS. The national news program, The CBS Evening News. The newspaper, The New York Post. The national TV program, The Phil Donohue Show. The magazine, The New Yorker. The magazine, Glamor. The magazine, Redbook. The magazine, Health. The magazine, Bottom Line Personal. Web MD. The website, Healthology. The magazine, Newsweek.

Ph.D. SUNY at Stony Brook, 1979. B.A., magna cum laude with Honors in Psychology, Illinois Wesleyan University, 1974.

Awards and Honors
Who’s Who in Medicine and Healthcare, First, Second and Third Editions, 1997-2000. Appointed to the Training Faculty of the Biofeedback Certification Institute of America (BCIA), 1993. Senior Fellow BCIA. New York Academy of Sciences, 1987. Who’s Who in the East, 1983-present. Who’s Who in Frontier Science and Technology, First Edition. Citation Paper Author. Eleventh Annual Meeting of the Biofeedback Society of America, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 1980. Biofeedback Society of America Scholar, 1979. Co-author, USVA Grant, “Variables Affecting the Experience of Pain in Migraine,” USVA Medical Center, Northport, New York, 1977-1979. Biomedical Research Fellow, Department of Biomedical Engineering, SUNY at Stony Brook, Stony Brook, New York, 1978. NIMH Predoctoral Fellowship, 1976. BA, Magna cum laude, with Honors in Psychology, 1974. Danforth Fellowship Nominee, Illinois Wesleyan University, Bloomington, Illinois, 1973.

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Most of my clients are my private patients. However I have provided many seminars, lectures and workshops for: Columbia University. The Mount Sinai School of Medicine. The Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Museum of Natural History. The UJA Federation. The university, CW Post. The College of New Rochelle. Equinox Fitness. Travelers Insurance. AutoOne Insurance. Chubb Insurance. Metropolitan Life. Allstate Insurance. State Farm Insurance. Encompass Insurance. The public relations firm, Porter Novelli. The investment firm, Capital Re:. The Estee Lauder corporation. The law firm of Irwin Abrams. The National Insurance Crime Bureau. GEICO Insruance. Beth Israel Hospital.

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