Psychiatry & Psychology--General/personality

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Question
Hi, I'm a 16 yr old female.
I've noticed over the past several years I've been different from most people, personality-wise. more to do with emotions and how I react to situations. I have many negative personality traits such as:

lack of confidence, in all areas such as appearance, school work, social life etc. I constantly doubt myself and my abilities, if I try and be more confident I feel guilty, it doesn't feel right. I always feel like I've done something wrong. when talking with people I want to please them, I want them to like me. it's like I'm constantly worried and never feel at ease of myself.
I always ask for others to help make a decision; I'm really indecisive.

I feel myself subconsciously asking for attention. when I realise this I try to stop myself because I don't like attention seekers - but I realise how hypocritical I am because I am constantly wanting attention. I don't want to be the center of attention, I just want people to talk to me, compliment me, feel sorry for me. and I know it's not a good thing to feel, so it makes me feel guilty. I feel like no amount of positive talk towards me is ever enough, I still don't feel good enough.

I'm very shy, because I don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to be judged. I'm scared that people will hate me and ignore me. I'm paranoid that people are talking about me.

I am a very anxious person especially in social situations and I analyse every little thing. I feel like I know what a person is thinking about me and if it's negative I think about it for days after, with feelings of guilty, anxiety, etc. and feeling like I can never face them again.

I have a boyfriend, who is a few years older than I and is my only friend/best friend also. however I feel guilty because sometimes I realise I can be controlling and manipulative. I try to stop when I realise this. it just makes me hate myself so much , I feel like a horrible person and I have unrealistic expectations of him. for example I don't want him to even talk to any other girls (as friends from his university, even if it's just group work) because I'm scared he will like them more than me. I want him to love me the most..

I don't know, I just feel so sad, paranoid, alone, scared. I want to feel loved, but I feel guilty. I'm scared to be left alone, I'm scared to make friends, I analyse every little thing, I never feel "normal".

I just want to know if this is normal - just a phase?

Answer
Hi anon, thanks for your question. It's hard to know for sure how much of this comes from being a teenager.  It would be best to find a counselor. Ask your parents, or a teacher, or a pastor, someone. Even if it is situational, there's no reason to suffer.

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

Expertise

any related to psychology, especially related to forensic psychology

Experience

15 years as a licensed psychologist, 15 years in private practice. My practice began primarily doing individual and group psychotherapy, is now devoted to assessments, but I occasionally do take on clients in therapy.

Organizations
American Psychological Association

Education/Credentials
B.A. psychology, B.A., music, Ohio Wesleyan U., 1978 MCS, computer science, University of Dayton, 1984 MA, psychology, Miami Inst. of Psychology, 1991 Psy.D., psychology, Miami Inst. of Psychology, 1993 post doctoral training in Neuropsychology, Fielding Institute, 1995-1997

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