Psychiatry & Psychology--General/personality
Hi, I'm a 16 yr old female.
I've noticed over the past several years I've been different from most people, personality-wise. more to do with emotions and how I react to situations. I have many negative personality traits such as:
lack of confidence, in all areas such as appearance, school work, social life etc. I constantly doubt myself and my abilities, if I try and be more confident I feel guilty, it doesn't feel right. I always feel like I've done something wrong. when talking with people I want to please them, I want them to like me. it's like I'm constantly worried and never feel at ease of myself.
I always ask for others to help make a decision; I'm really indecisive.
I feel myself subconsciously asking for attention. when I realise this I try to stop myself because I don't like attention seekers - but I realise how hypocritical I am because I am constantly wanting attention. I don't want to be the center of attention, I just want people to talk to me, compliment me, feel sorry for me. and I know it's not a good thing to feel, so it makes me feel guilty. I feel like no amount of positive talk towards me is ever enough, I still don't feel good enough.
I'm very shy, because I don't want to make a fool of myself. I don't want to be judged. I'm scared that people will hate me and ignore me. I'm paranoid that people are talking about me.
I am a very anxious person especially in social situations and I analyse every little thing. I feel like I know what a person is thinking about me and if it's negative I think about it for days after, with feelings of guilty, anxiety, etc. and feeling like I can never face them again.
I have a boyfriend, who is a few years older than I and is my only friend/best friend also. however I feel guilty because sometimes I realise I can be controlling and manipulative. I try to stop when I realise this. it just makes me hate myself so much , I feel like a horrible person and I have unrealistic expectations of him. for example I don't want him to even talk to any other girls (as friends from his university, even if it's just group work) because I'm scared he will like them more than me. I want him to love me the most..
I don't know, I just feel so sad, paranoid, alone, scared. I want to feel loved, but I feel guilty. I'm scared to be left alone, I'm scared to make friends, I analyse every little thing, I never feel "normal".
I just want to know if this is normal - just a phase?
Hi anon, thanks for your question. It's hard to know for sure how much of this comes from being a teenager. It would be best to find a counselor. Ask your parents, or a teacher, or a pastor, someone. Even if it is situational, there's no reason to suffer.