Psychiatry & Psychology--General/help
I am 22 female single and i am so depressed. I feel if my life is stucked and isn't going ahead. There has nothing new happened in my life. I am unsuccessful in my accademics. I have not achieved what i want. All i have been doing for the past 10 years is taking care of my younger siblings and getting worried for them. I am eldest of my siblings and my yongest sib is of 6. I dont want another sibling. I dont know but i am always in fear of having a new sib. I cant cope with this any more. I havent lived my life yet. Every time its me and getting worried for my siblings and having this fear of having another sibling. Tough i have told my parents i dont want another sibling but i am still afraid and i think they dont understand me. My parents are getting so much busy in loving my other siblings while i feel so ignored. I feel if no one loves me and i am just some invisible person roaming around the house. I want love and a warm hug but i cant ask my mother to hug me. I dont know why but i feel if she isnt my mom but my sibling's. Because of the fear of having another sibling i hate my parents some times . I feel if no one would ever understand me. This depression is causing me getting rude at them at times. And some time i just want to sit in some secret corner no one knows and cry myself out. I dont want to talk to them and i have those mood swings too. i am sometimes happy with my friends and the next moment i dont want to talk. They find me strange but i cant share this to my friends. For the past 5 days i have a heartburn and every one tells me to drink water or take medicines etc but i dont want to cure myself. I want to die but i dont want to die. I am gone mad.i want to live my life without having fears though i try to relax my self but it only stays for a minute or two. I cant concentrate on any thing. I was weak but i feel even weaker now. I dont know what to do. I have a very low self esteem. This has become hard for me.
I'm so sorry to hear of your discomfort. But I am not familiar with what mental-health resources exist in Pakistan. (Hard to believe you are there, as you write better than most native English speakers.)
I can't believe that your parents would ignore you if they understood something that seems so simple and straightforward. Maybe you can try reading to them a translation of what you wrote to us. An option would be to find a relative, or a religious or other leader, who can discuss this with your parents, especially your mother. Or you could make plans to leave home, such as looking for a live-in job as a teacher, perhaps of English, perhaps in a residential school.
I can't tell if your depressive symptoms are a natural result of a depressing situation, or if you are clinically depressed. If the latter, there are medical and psychotherapy treatments for it.
That's all I can suggest for now, but I wish you the best, and please feel free if you have a follow-up question.