Psychiatry & Psychology--General/leaving a narcissist


I have been married to a narcissist for many years. I am carrying out a plan to leave.  It is complicated because of children and financial constraints. NPD husband does not work, but I do.   He is the master of "gaslighting" and I struggle daily with the exhausting psychic dance and as my daughter says, "being an actor in his play". It is necessary to maintain this in order to prevent a rage that may result in harm to us.  What are your suggestions?

Dear Evana,

You may find these of help - please click on the links (they apply to all types of relationships with narcissistic or psychopathic abusers of both genders):

Participate in discussions about Abusive Relationships - click on these links:

The Narcissistic Abuse Study List

The Toxic Relationships Study List

Abusive Relationships Newsletter

Divorcing the Narcissist, Psychopath, Bully, or Stalker

Getting Help

Domestic Violence Shelters

Planning and Executing Your Getaway

Should You Get the Police Involved?

Peace Bonds and Restraining Orders

The Narcissist in Court

The Guilt of the Abused - Pathologizing the Victim

Conning the System

Befriending the System

Working with Professionals

Interacting with Your Abuser

What to Expect

The Vindictive Narcissist

The Three Forms of Closure

Take care.


Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.


Personality disorders. I have collaborated with Israeli psychologists and criminologists in the study of personality disorders and am the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" (available from Barnes and Noble and as an e-book from my publisher). My expertise is: the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and pathological narcissism.


I am the author of Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited. (number 1 bestseller in its category in Barnes and Noble). The Web site "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" was, for many years, an Open Directory Cool Site and a Psych-UK recommended Site. I am not a mental health professional though I am certified in psychological counseling techniques by Brainbench. I served as the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on I have my own websites about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and about relationships with abusive narcissists here and in HealthyPlace. You can read my work on many other Web sites: Mental Health Matters, Mental Health Sanctuary, Mental Health Today, Kathi's Mental Health Review and others. I also served as the author of the Personality Disorders topic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic, the Verbal and Emotional Abuse topic, and the Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence topic, all four on Suite101, as well as the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List , the Toxic Relationships Study List, and other mailing lists (c. 7000 members). I wrote a column for Bellaonline on Narcissism and Abusive Relationships.

"Managing Investment Portfolios in States of Uncertainty", Limon Publishers, Tel-Aviv, 1988 "The Gambling Industry", Limon Publishers, Tel-Aviv, 1990 "Requesting My Loved One: Short Stories", Miskal-Yedioth Aharonot, Tel-Aviv, 1997 "The Suffering of Being Kafka” (electronic book of Hebrew and English Short Fiction), Prague, 1998-2004 "The Macedonian Economy at a Crossroads – On the Way to a Healthier Economy" (dialogues with Nikola Gruevski), Skopje, 1998 "The Exporter’s Pocketbook" Ministry of Trade, Republic of Macedonia, Skopje, 1999 "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited", Narcissus Publications, Prague, 1999-2007 (Read excerpts - click here) The Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Abuse in Relationships Series (E-books regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths), Prague, 1999-2010 Personality Disorders Revisited (e-book about personality disorders), Prague, 2007 "After the Rain – How the West Lost the East", Narcissus Publications in association with Central Europe Review/CEENMI, Prague and Skopje, 2000 More than 30 e-books about psychology, international affairs, business and economics, philosophy, short fiction, and reference (free download here) Winner of numerous awards, among them Israel's Council of Culture and Art Prize for Maiden Prose (1997), The Rotary Club Award for Social Studies (1976), and the Bilateral Relations Studies Award of the American Embassy in Israel (1978). Hundreds of professional articles in all fields of finance and economics, and numerous articles dealing with geopolitical and political economic issues published in both print and Web periodicals in many countries. Many appearances in the electronic and print media on subjects in psychology, philosophy, and the sciences, and concerning economic matters.

1970-1978: Completed nine semesters in the Technion – Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa. 1982-3: Ph.D. in Philosophy (dissertation: "Time Asymmetry Revisited") – California Miramar University (formerly: Pacific Western University), California, USA. 1982-5: Graduate of numerous courses in Finance Theory and International Trading in the UK and USA. Certified E-Commerce Concepts Analyst by Brainbench. Certified in Psychological Counselling Techniques by Brainbench. Certified Financial Analyst by Brainbench. Full proficiency in Hebrew and in English.

Awards and Honors
Winner of numerous awards, among them Israel's Council of Culture and Art Prize for Maiden Prose (1997), The Rotary Club Award for Social Studies (1976), and the Bilateral Relations Studies Award of the American Embassy in Israel (1978).

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