Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Sexual Deviancy

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Question
Hello, Iím 23 years old girl, with Social Anxiety Disorder, chronic depression and anger issues.
But the thing I want to talk to you about is much more perverse and goes much deeper.
Iím a virgin and I have never had a boyfriend.  Since age five Iíve been masturbating, my parents took me to numerous Psychologists, but never talked about it and if they caught me doing it I was punished. Since then masturbation equals sin in my mind and brings me great shame. Also, when I was 8 years old I accidently walked in on my parents having sex and it haunted me for years, again, nobody talked about it.
I think I was addicted to masturbation at some point, when I was 16-17 years old I accidentally found an erotic stories website that included incest, pedophilia, BDSM etc.
Everything went downhill from there. I would go to that website constantly, read these disgusting, immoral stories and masturbate.  I knew it was wrong and I hated myself for it. The shame of it is with me every day.   I stopped doing that once I realized how it corrupted me and my thought process, my mind.
But now, years later, Iíve begun to have thoughts of biting of my fatherís and brotherís genitalia and recently I had a dream of an intercourse with my grandfather. Iím in no way attracted to them and never was, and these thoughts make me want to vomit.  I was never attracted to children either, never, but I still read all those disgusting pedophiliac stories and enjoyed them in that moment. I disgust myself.
I hate myself and I hate my thoughts. I donít know what to do, what is my problem? I was a nice, sweet, naÔve and kind girl, and now all these incest, BDSM  and other stuff has polluted my brain and I canít get these thoughts out.

Please help me, I feel  so dirty and ruined inside. I donít know whom to talk to.

Answer
First, you need to believe that you have the ability to choose what you do and think. Then you need to choose to stop looking at porn. The thoughts and masturbation are not wrong in themselves, but because you began obsessing at an early age, the neuroplasticity of your brain has left you with the habitual thoughts. Extinguishment is the best approach, which means to abstain from porn for 30 days. Then see if your obsession declines from there.

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Daniel Keeran

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I am able to answer questions about relationships, parent, child, self-help, marriage, counseling, depression, sexual abuse, rape trauma, bereavement, grief, death of loved one, child abduction, conflict at work, separation, divorce, break-up, fear of remaining single, infertility, childlessness, anger management, verbal abuse, family violence, repeating unhealthy relationships, substance abuse, addiction, childhood abuse, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, loneliness, co-dependency, porn addiction, religious alienation, bi-polar disorder, homelessness, anti-social personality, foster care, borderline personality disorder, psychology, mental health, counseling skills, adoption, bankruptcy, insomnia, agoraphobia, social anxiety FREE PDF DOWNLOAD "Counseling In A Book" http://www.ctihalifax.com/images/CounselingInABook.pdf

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I have been a counselor for over 30 years in private practice and hospital settings. For deeper understanding and healing childhood experiences affecting adult life and relationships with self and others see the reader-friendly source http://www.amazon.com/Effective-Counseling-Skills-therapeutic-statements/dp/1442177993

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College of Professional Counseling and Therapy at http://www.counseling-skills.com

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author, "Effective Counseling Skills" at http://tinyurl.com/yen574x and "Loss and Grief Counseling Skills" at http://tinyurl.com/35da8ov

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MSW in psychiatric clinical social work

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