Psychiatry & Psychology--General/not sure


For whatever reason when I am living on my own I am pretty tidy. I lived on my own for awhile and was constantly cleaning and happy to do so. If my husband goes away for a while again I am able to keep on top of things and do so much more.          If I am living with anyone else I am like a walking tornado. It was that way growing up and it is that way now with my husband. I don't just expect everyone to pick up after me. I am not trying to pass it off as their problem. In fact it drives me nutts as much as it does anyone who has lived with me.          Two examples of this- the dishes we don't have a dish washer and must do the dishes the old fashioned way. If my husband decided he is going to soak the silverware or leaves a dish set I have an extremely difficulttime bringing myself to do the dishes. They are not in the right order or they are not "supposed" to be soaking. Or that water is nasty and now I can't eat off those dishes that were rinsed and are now soaking in bleach water. K just stew over it and avoid all the dishes where I know if I just got over it I could have them done in a relativly short time opposed to letting them build up forweeks.          The other is my clothing is kept in a spare room due to multiple reasons. If my husband goes and plops a clean load in the room he has then "screwed things up" for me and that room becomes a disaster. I want to clean it and have things just so but I get angry at it and avoid it and from that point nothing else seems to go back in place.          My husband i s fed up with this and so am I and the list of things like this go on and on. I don't understand though why I can't just get over it and do what needs done. And thoughts suggestions or input on why I behave this way would be appresheated.


I think the difference is just that the world you lived in was totally under your control when you were living alone and now that you are living with someone else, you world is not  under your control so it is a  threat and a challenge to your natural sense of how to do and to order things.  This challenge and threat creates a sense of being overwhelmed, angry, lost or resentful.  When things "get off track" for you, sometimes all the wheels come off.

This limited forum is not adequate for professional diagnosis, but it sounds like a mild form of, obsessive compulsive disorder.You can look it up and learn a lot about it.

One solution I think would be a few sessions of couples therapy so that you and your husband could work out an agreed upon plan for keeping these rooms and chores organized, so you feel like you are collaborating rather than going in different directions.

These things matter a lot to you personally, but in general they matter a lot more to most members of couples, and the look, feel and sense of order in the world at home you have chosen to share with another person is extremely important.


Dr. Elmore  

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Andrew M. Elmore, Ph.D.


I can answer questions about: Stress. Headaches. Stress-related Disorders. Anxiety/Panic Disorder. Depression. Psychopathology. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Personal Problem Solving. Life in General. Relationships: Love, Friendship, Business Partner, Coworker, Family,Child/Parent. What makes us tick. The use of psycho-pharmacological agents in combination with psychological treatment. How to deal with evil people in your life. How to improve your outlook under duress. How to control stress. How to control mood. How to control headaches. I cannot answer: Questions about Eating Disorders. Questions about computers.


30 years in private practice as a psychologist in Manhattan. Dealing with people from almost every conceivable ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds, and as many character types as exist in this country. Dealing with patients from 8 years old to 90 years old. Pioneer in biofeedback and the treatment of stress-related disorders. Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine since 1982. Treatment of stress-related, anxiety and depressive disorders with biofeedback and cognitive behavioral therapy. Developed personal problem solving, an extremely precise form of psychotherapy. Relationship therapy for couples, families, parent/child issues, business partners, coworkers, employers, and dealing with psychopathic individuals in your life.

American Psychological Association. Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback. Biofeedback Certification Institute of America. New York Academy of Sciences.

The journal, Psychophysiology. The book, Expanding Dimensions of Consciousness. The journal, Headache. The journal, Biofeedback and Self-Regulation. The journal Psychiatry Digest. The book, The TMJ Book. The book, Dental Phobia. The network, CNN. Parade Magazine. The newspaper, Newsday. The Manhattan TV station, WCBS. The national news program, The CBS Evening News. The newspaper, The New York Post. The national TV program, The Phil Donohue Show. The magazine, The New Yorker. The magazine, Glamor. The magazine, Redbook. The magazine, Health. The magazine, Bottom Line Personal. Web MD. The website, Healthology. The magazine, Newsweek.

Ph.D. SUNY at Stony Brook, 1979. B.A., magna cum laude with Honors in Psychology, Illinois Wesleyan University, 1974.

Awards and Honors
Who’s Who in Medicine and Healthcare, First, Second and Third Editions, 1997-2000. Appointed to the Training Faculty of the Biofeedback Certification Institute of America (BCIA), 1993. Senior Fellow BCIA. New York Academy of Sciences, 1987. Who’s Who in the East, 1983-present. Who’s Who in Frontier Science and Technology, First Edition. Citation Paper Author. Eleventh Annual Meeting of the Biofeedback Society of America, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 1980. Biofeedback Society of America Scholar, 1979. Co-author, USVA Grant, “Variables Affecting the Experience of Pain in Migraine,” USVA Medical Center, Northport, New York, 1977-1979. Biomedical Research Fellow, Department of Biomedical Engineering, SUNY at Stony Brook, Stony Brook, New York, 1978. NIMH Predoctoral Fellowship, 1976. BA, Magna cum laude, with Honors in Psychology, 1974. Danforth Fellowship Nominee, Illinois Wesleyan University, Bloomington, Illinois, 1973.

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Most of my clients are my private patients. However I have provided many seminars, lectures and workshops for: Columbia University. The Mount Sinai School of Medicine. The Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Museum of Natural History. The UJA Federation. The university, CW Post. The College of New Rochelle. Equinox Fitness. Travelers Insurance. AutoOne Insurance. Chubb Insurance. Metropolitan Life. Allstate Insurance. State Farm Insurance. Encompass Insurance. The public relations firm, Porter Novelli. The investment firm, Capital Re:. The Estee Lauder corporation. The law firm of Irwin Abrams. The National Insurance Crime Bureau. GEICO Insruance. Beth Israel Hospital.

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