Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Why would she even ask


How would you get closure on this. I am really upset she would even ask  I really need help immediately on this because I am really upset.

A couple of days ago I was going to write my mom (age 87) a letter to express to her how I feel about things, especially the remarks she makes concerning my clothes. I belong to a few sites that have forums and around 4PM today (June 27th) I was scrolling thru one of them and came across a situation that I had posted where my mom told me to give away some of my clothes - which bothered me. At 5:30PM my mom called out to me from the kitchen to tell me dinner was ready and I told her to give me a couple of minutes because I was looking up something on line. Any way when we were having dinner she asked me what I was looking up and I told her nothing. However, after we ate dinner and mom cleaned up and when the garbage was ready for me to take I said "Dont get mad but I was looking on line about the situations I was posting concerning you and me and I came across one where you told me to give away my clothes". She said "I remember that. That was last year with Hurricane Sandy, I asked if you wanted to give look in your closet and give any away". Tonight I was so angry at her when she said this and tonight I called her a bitch. She knows how I love my clothes. Well we had some fight and are not speaking and I really dont ever want to speak to her again. I told her why would I give away my clothes - I love every single item I own. She said I wasn't telling you I was just asking. I told her she has no right to even ask. She said to me "Well I love my clothes too" But she doesn't love her clothes the way I do. I told her that and I told her I love all my clothes and just because these people need clothes doesn't mean I have to give any of mine away.

But I dont know how to get closure and I am really upset that she would even suggest giving away any of my clothes. Plus the fact last week she said to me she would never tell me to ever give my clothes away.

I really dont know how to deal with this. We are not speaking and I dont ever want to speak to her again. She knows my clothes are important to me. I have tons and I love them all.

Please help

It sounds like she was being charitable (people have lost everything in the hurricane, do you have any extra clothes you want to give away to them?).  Sounds reasonable to me.  I have no idea why you are so upset about this.  YOU appear too sensitive on this subject.

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Daniel S. Harrop, M.D.


Dr. Daniel S. Harrop received his B.A. and his M.D., both from Brown, and his M.B.A. from the Edinburgh Business School, Scotland. Board-certified in adult and geriatric psychiatry, he is a past president of the R.I. Psychiatric Society and a member of the Committee on Medical Quality of the American Psychiatric Association and the Committee on Continuing Medical Education of the R.I Medical Society. He serves as a consultant to four of the top five major medical management companies, including OptumHealth/United Healthcare, Magellan Behavioral Health Services, ValueOptions and APS Healthcare, and maintains a private practice in Providence, R.I. He also serves as chief psychiatric consultant on the Medical Advisory Board at the R.I. Workers Compensation Court. He was formerly on the faculty at the medical schools at both Brown University and Harvard University.

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