You are here:

Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Inappropriate sexual language by father

Advertisement


Question
Hi Gurza, I hope you can help me shed light on this issue.
We are 4 siblings- a daughter and 3 sons, all in our 20s-30s now. My father has always had no boundaries as far as his choice of conversations with us since we were children. He likes talking about sex, either in details (your step mom just gave me a blow job; your brother has a huge penis); questions - are you going to get some on now?; or just hit on any waitress, flirt with every woman, cheat on his girlfriends and give us the scoop, etc. I've always brushed it off as him being a bit of a perv or "dirty old man", and him trying to be "cool" around us. Its worse for my brothers the conversations... we've always been embarrassed by his behavior and asked for him to stop. He wouldn't. I recently spoke with one of my brothers and he reminded me that my father would force us to kiss him (a greeting/peck) on the lips, around ages 12 we all put stops to this and offer a hug or cheek, he would try and convince otherwise. A few years ago I told him I only kiss my husband on the lips- not my father. My brother also mentioned that my father would play a game in the pool with them where he would insert his thumb in their anus and laugh. They would object and try to get away. He also would shower with me till I was so embarrassed and put an end to it around age 11 when I started developing. I remember when my brother was 4 my father would be amused from my brother lying on my stepmother and hold her boobs. My father encouraged this. Till this day he walks around naked in front of my brothers. When I asked him about his loose behavior he explained that my grandparents were very strict and old fashioned and he wasn't. My questions are - is this considered sexual abuse or just inappropriate parental behavior? And what would be the term to describe my father's disorder? I feel I might be excusing him and brushing off his behavior when maybe there is something more serious here. I have 2 young boys and am very concerned, Thanks you for your time.

Answer
Hello,

I think this is sexual abuse because your father behavior is inappropriate to his children. I recommend to avoid to let your children with him alone because you don't know how much his behavior will affect them. I can't put a diagnostic based on you were writing but seems to me he has some sexual perversion, he may be called  abusive man.
I hope my answer will help you.  

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Gurza Anca

Expertise

I can answer at questions related to psychology field,in general or specific areas of psychology: stress and anxiety disorders, sexual disorders, Phobias and physiological Disorders,therapy for Treating Depression, therapy end the Management of Anger, Treatment of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Therapy for Pain and Distress Management in Cancer Patients.

Experience

I practice psychotherapy in accordance with the ethical code of the Romanian Federation of Psychotherapy and European Association for Psychotherapy I'm using hypnosis and other therapy techniques in my work since 2010, when I started my preparation in Clinic Hypnosis, Relaxation and Erickson's Therapy. I am a certified Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist by the Romanian Federation of Psychotherapy, European Association for Psychotherapy.

Organizations
Romanian Association of Clinical Hypnosis, Relaxation and Erickson's Therapy Romanian Federation of Psychotherapy European Association for Psychotherapy

Education/Credentials
I am a certified Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist by the Romanian Federation of Psychotherapy, European Association for Psychotherapy. I practice psychotherapy in accordance with the ethical code of those institutions.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.