Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Am I depressed or is it just sadness?
Am I depressed or is just sadness?
I've been really sad lately and I've been crying a lot because of simple things. Since I remember, I've been a very emotional person and I'd cry over a little fight with my friends, but I feel it's something else and that it is getting worse and worse.
It all started in July this year, I told my mum I wanted to get an appointment with psychiatrist but she did nothing and I can't really blame her. I have three little sisters and they need more attention and time with parents than I do so she could forget. Some time later, I've reminded her about it but again, she must have forgotten about it. I don't want to talk about it to dad because I know I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him. He would probably say I'm exaggerating.
And at first, I would cry a lot, like every evening I would just shut the door in our bathroom and cry in the bath. (I remember having a problem with crying to sleep when I was much younger, 8 or 9 years old, but it have been happening in bed, at night). Then, I thought this weird feeling was gone, but it came back really fast and two times stronger, so I had to find a way to stop it. I didn't want to cut myself or do anything like that so I found out a good way to run away was actually studying hard. I study not to think too much, until I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open and I go to sleep. I sleep for 6-7 hours, sometimes 5 and I'm absolutely exhausted every morning, which makes me more sad, but I just can't stop it. It has been working for a long time, but two days ago, something strange happened to me.
I went to school just like I go every day. But when I went over the threshold a feeling of anger and frustration just hit me without any reason. It became so strong I had to call my granpa to get me from school. I think I could feel frustrated because I didn't feel well with my look that day, but I've never had a problem with that. I felt so angry that I had to go to the toilet and just cry it all out. It helped a bit but not enough. I got through only one lesson and then grandpa picked me up.
I don't understand anything about it. I feel I can't ask my mother again, ask my father at all, I can't tell my friends, I don't know what to do...
Not really much of a difference between depression and sadness: different sides of the same coin. If you feel you cannot ask anyone in your family (no aunt or uncle or cousin you can talk to?) then ask a teacher or coach or school nurse or minister or other adult and tell them how you feel. They might reach out to your parents, but that's OK too, as the parents will have to take it a little more seriously if another adult is bringing it to their attention.