Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Constant thoughts of sex

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Question
I'm 40 and I thought done with a high sex drive
I work at home and my sex drive interferes with work
I waste half the day doing you know what
I fall behind
It tires me and I don't sleep well to boot
I have sex w my boyfriend twice a week
It isn't that he can't or won't but he works 13 hr days and I feel terrible keeping him up
Which is why sex is typically on weekend.
It sounds like a non problem but I wish I could take medicine to lower drive
I'm going crazy. Losing productivity. Making myself more tired
Also wish I had kids or a dog. I'm lonely during the day. Miss my boyfriend terribly
I'm lonely and horny and I don't get how others get through work day
I want to kiss my boyfriend all day and do you know what
Weekends are great but I loathe the working week
I do like my job. I wish I wasn't so so distracted

Answer
I don't think the first step should be pharmaceutical. Yes, there are medicines whose common side effects are lowered arousal in men, but effects on women are less known. And I don't know of any "anaphrodisiac" that's approved because it's been proven safe and effective for either sex.

A more obvious approach would be the cold shower one. But if that had been proven effective and accepted, we would still have chastity belts.

So how about just seeking a compromise? There can be a fine line between incapacitating fatigue and a feeling of deserved peace and relaxation that could actually make you more effective at your work. And there might be techniques and equipment (look up online-sold "adult toys") that might replace fatigue with contentment. There might be frequency, timing, and scheduling issues for you to explore. (Think how you might advise a home-worker whose problem was compulsive over-eating.) In short, I'm suggesting you start by looking for a way to make your appetite work for rather than against you.

Your other issue, loneliness, is a common complaint of home-workers. Kids are another matter, but is it not pretty simple to get a dog or other pet?

I hope those ideas will help a bit, and thanks for asking us.

Alan  

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Alan Auerbach

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Taught psychology for 30 years, authored four textbooks. Specialize in introductory and industrial/organizational psychology, but will tackle wider range of areas.

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