Psychiatry & Psychology--General/what is wrong with me?

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Question
I'm a 21 fem.as a kid i had self harm,my environment was so stressful for me because my parents always had struggles and my mom ignored me.when i was 15 I had severe depression and I was so anti-social I thought i am unloveable.sometimes i feel so worthless and empty without future but other times i feel so good about my self.I'm not happy and i don't know what can makes me happy,I always seek attention from the men and try to show myself as an innocent,shy and helpless girl.my romantic relationships are intense but i push and pull alot and may seem so cold and far at times.i'm scared to be in love with anyone but i like to make men love me.whenever i am in love,my love is intense and beyond this universe i feel so close to them but i'm scared to really get close so i ignore them, i get  jealous easily and need their reassurances.i need them to prove their love to me every day because i always think that their love is not enough and equal to mine.I always feel they will leave me for a better person.so i doubt maybe i have bpd or depression or it is something else?

Answer
Dear Elena,

These may be of help:


Click on these links for detailed topic guides - everything you ever wanted
to know about narcissists and psychopaths:

============================================
Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality disorder and Psychopathy
============================================

VIDEOS Mind of the Psychopathic Narcissist

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2CB712AE09C264EB&feature=plpp

Does the Narcissist Have a Multiple Personality (Dissociative Identity
Disorder)?

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4950

Narcissists as Drama Queens

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4948

The Narcissist as Know-it-all

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4945

The Narcissist as VAMPIRE or MACHINE

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4944

Narcissists and Psychopaths Devalue Their Psychotherapists

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4939

Violent, Vindictive, Sadistic, and Psychopathic Narcissists

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4938

Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5048

Grandiosity, Fantasies, and Narcissism

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4923

Narcissists and Emotions

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5248

Narcissists and Mood Disorders

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5067


============================================
Toxic Relationships with Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths
============================================

VIDEOS Abuse in Relationships with Narcissists and Psychopaths

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9BC9C29E7F04ACAA&feature=plpp

How to Recognize a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date, Before It
is Too Late?

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4976

Narcissists and Personality disordered Mates, Spouses, and Partners

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5013

Narcissists, psychopaths, sex, and marital fidelity

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4920

VIDEOS The Narcissist's Sexuality

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsh_y_ett4o0iK4zrGEzZRk0S6MrktltX

Narcissistic and Psychopathic Parents and Their Children

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727

Projection and Projective Identification - Abuser in Denial

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5002

Approach-Avoidance Repetition Complex and Fear of Intimacy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5000

The Narcissist or Psychopath Hates your Independence and Personal Autonomy

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4959

I miss him so much - I want him back!

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4934

Guilt? What guilt?

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4931

How Victims are Pathologized and re-abused by the System

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5068

============================
The Narcissist and Psychopath in Society
============================
The Narcissist and Psychopath as Criminals

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5003

The Narcissist is Above the Law

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4983

The Narcissist as Liar and Con-man

https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4951

VIDEOS Psychopathic Narcissists in Social Settings

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC048070EE374E027&feature=plcp


Participate in discussions about Abusive Relationships - click on these links:

https://plus.google.com/communities/116582645889927140499

http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/

The Narcissistic Abuse Study List

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/

The Toxic Relationships Study List

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/toxicrelationships

Abusive Relationships Newsletter

http://groups.google.com/group/narcissisticabuse/

Take care there.

Sam

http://www.youtube.com/samvaknin (Narcissists, Psychopaths, Abuse)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/mediakit.html (Sam Vaknin's Media Kit and Press Room)

http://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings (World in Conflict and Transition)

http://www.youtube.com/vakninsays (Sayings of Wisdom and Inanity)

http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com (Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited)

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

Expertise

Personality disorders. I have collaborated with Israeli psychologists and criminologists in the study of personality disorders and am the author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" (available from Barnes and Noble and as an e-book from my publisher). My expertise is: the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and pathological narcissism.

Experience

I am the author of Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited. (number 1 bestseller in its category in Barnes and Noble). The Web site "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" was, for many years, an Open Directory Cool Site and a Psych-UK recommended Site. I am not a mental health professional though I am certified in psychological counseling techniques by Brainbench. I served as the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net. I have my own websites about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and about relationships with abusive narcissists here and in HealthyPlace. You can read my work on many other Web sites: Mental Health Matters, Mental Health Sanctuary, Mental Health Today, Kathi's Mental Health Review and others. I also served as the author of the Personality Disorders topic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic, the Verbal and Emotional Abuse topic, and the Spousal Abuse and Domestic Violence topic, all four on Suite101, as well as the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List , the Toxic Relationships Study List, and other mailing lists (c. 7000 members). I wrote a column for Bellaonline on Narcissism and Abusive Relationships.

Publications
"Managing Investment Portfolios in States of Uncertainty", Limon Publishers, Tel-Aviv, 1988 "The Gambling Industry", Limon Publishers, Tel-Aviv, 1990 "Requesting My Loved One: Short Stories", Miskal-Yedioth Aharonot, Tel-Aviv, 1997 "The Suffering of Being Kafka” (electronic book of Hebrew and English Short Fiction), Prague, 1998-2004 "The Macedonian Economy at a Crossroads – On the Way to a Healthier Economy" (dialogues with Nikola Gruevski), Skopje, 1998 "The Exporter’s Pocketbook" Ministry of Trade, Republic of Macedonia, Skopje, 1999 "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited", Narcissus Publications, Prague, 1999-2007 (Read excerpts - click here) The Narcissism, Psychopathy, and Abuse in Relationships Series (E-books regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths), Prague, 1999-2010 Personality Disorders Revisited (e-book about personality disorders), Prague, 2007 "After the Rain – How the West Lost the East", Narcissus Publications in association with Central Europe Review/CEENMI, Prague and Skopje, 2000 More than 30 e-books about psychology, international affairs, business and economics, philosophy, short fiction, and reference (free download here) Winner of numerous awards, among them Israel's Council of Culture and Art Prize for Maiden Prose (1997), The Rotary Club Award for Social Studies (1976), and the Bilateral Relations Studies Award of the American Embassy in Israel (1978). Hundreds of professional articles in all fields of finance and economics, and numerous articles dealing with geopolitical and political economic issues published in both print and Web periodicals in many countries. Many appearances in the electronic and print media on subjects in psychology, philosophy, and the sciences, and concerning economic matters.

Education/Credentials
1970-1978: Completed nine semesters in the Technion – Israel Institute of Technology, Haifa. 1982-3: Ph.D. in Philosophy (dissertation: "Time Asymmetry Revisited") – California Miramar University (formerly: Pacific Western University), California, USA. 1982-5: Graduate of numerous courses in Finance Theory and International Trading in the UK and USA. Certified E-Commerce Concepts Analyst by Brainbench. Certified in Psychological Counselling Techniques by Brainbench. Certified Financial Analyst by Brainbench. Full proficiency in Hebrew and in English.

Awards and Honors
Winner of numerous awards, among them Israel's Council of Culture and Art Prize for Maiden Prose (1997), The Rotary Club Award for Social Studies (1976), and the Bilateral Relations Studies Award of the American Embassy in Israel (1978).

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