Psychiatry & Psychology--General/anxious of me

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Question
dear friend, as you probably know, i have been 3 years without sexual intercourses with my wife, even other women, after my 4th mayor depression episode. According with my psychotherapist it is due to the fact that I in a no concient way avoid women to avoid fall in love again and suffer a lot. In other words: my sex drive is cancelled unconciounless to avoid suffer again.= no sex=no women=no grief=no suffering.
I ask myself how to go about to have sexual desire back.
thanks for your opinion.

Answer
Hi, Aurax, thanks for your question. As you may know, sex is mostly in the mind. IOW, how much you desire sex, in what ways, with whom, and under what circumstances is controlled by the mind. Thus, once you get your mind 'back on track' (via psychotherapy) it is likely to come back to you. Further, sex is one of those things that, the harder you try, the more difficult it is to achieve. It's similar to chinese handcuffs. Thus, you can do your sex drive harm, by worrying about it too much or trying too hard to 'get it'. Further, I suggest you talk to your psychotherapist more about why you think it is wrong (e.g., that there is something wrong with you). Everyone has different sex drives and who is to say that yours is 'wrong'? Consider allowing yourself to feel the feelings that you have, and stop fighting to be someone you are not. What I mean is this - if you had been in a car wreck, or had really bad cancer, would you be worrying that your sex drive was missing? No, you would be trying to get well..... so, why not focus on your your depression instead of thinking that something is wrong? That's just a rhetorical question, of course, because self-deprecation is often part of depression, so naturally a depressed person would think those thoughts........

I hope that helps, Aurax  

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Bruce Borkosky, Psy.D.

Expertise

any related to psychology, especially related to forensic psychology

Experience

15 years as a licensed psychologist, 15 years in private practice. My practice began primarily doing individual and group psychotherapy, is now devoted to assessments, but I occasionally do take on clients in therapy.

Organizations
American Psychological Association

Education/Credentials
B.A. psychology, B.A., music, Ohio Wesleyan U., 1978 MCS, computer science, University of Dayton, 1984 MA, psychology, Miami Inst. of Psychology, 1991 Psy.D., psychology, Miami Inst. of Psychology, 1993 post doctoral training in Neuropsychology, Fielding Institute, 1995-1997

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