Psychiatry & Psychology--General/OCPD

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Question
HHI.my partner has OCD.mentally draining as I suffered from depression.I study psychology but lately it's got worse.Says hurtful things..I'm crying all the time..he asks what's wrong..well  Duh!  He is controlling.I'm always wrong and always hav to say sorry..even if its him that's in the wrong.How can I explain to him in a way hel believe me that's it not normal?I confronted him and he knew kicked me out earlier saying I've brought nothing to the 2 yr relationship.It was horrible.I left and came back 10 mins later for clothes..he walked into the bedroom and was forceful with sex and nothings been said..no sorry or anything for the argument im at my wits end.told him to get help and he made me leave.What can I do? Thank you.

Answer
Elaine, I don't know, I can't tell you what to do, and it will have to be your decision, but here are some thoughts that might or might not be relevant.

People who are clinically depressed can be helped. The most effective seems to be a combination of psychotherapy (talking with a professional such as a clinical psychologist) and anti-depression medication, which has to be prescribed by a physician. But often the depression is simply situational, for which the best cure, obviously, is changing the situation. And crying all the time doesn't necessarily point to either kind of depression because it could just be a learned response to stress.

Where he has both psychological and social problems, and does not even value her, usually her best option is a permanent separation.  It would not be realistic for her to expect to be able to help him, and without his recognition of and desire to address his problems, there's no way to impose any kind of help upon him.  The sad fact is that not every person nor every relationship can be salvaged no matter what.

Interpretation can be important. Does she feel that walking out means she gave up and failed? Or that she intelligently recognized an impossible situation with an impossible person, and did the brave and adaptive thing by starting over.

I could not answer your question directly, but I hope those thoughts will prove of some use to you. I thank you for asking us, and wish you the best of futures, whatever you decide.

Alan

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Alan Auerbach

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Taught psychology for 30 years, authored four textbooks. Specialize in introductory and industrial/organizational psychology, but will tackle wider range of areas.

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