Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Shut out of family

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I am a 62 year old woman who left my very traditional southern European family when I was 18 to go to college and eventually moved across country. Through the years, I have visited them several times a year without fail. My mother got Alzheimers 7 years ago and died in 2010. Just prior to her diagnosis, I was diagnosed with a late stage breast cancer, which involved alot of treatment, complications and huge financial distress even though I had insurance, I had to keep working to keep my insurance. My mother and I have always had a good relationship, not so with my father. However, since my illness (I am well now)my father and brother have become absolutely vicious towards me and my husband. My brother is filling my 95 year old father's head with ugly lies, meanwhile he is the main caregiver to my Dad and is emptying his bank accounts. Neither one of them will speak to me except to scream verbal abuse and hang up. I guess my question is, how do I make peace with myself with all this? I can see now that my father will probably die without speaking a kind word to me ever. And I honestly believe my brother is a sociopathic narcissist....he is a high functioning professional man, but to me he is a liar and a thief.My husband tells me to let it go because there is nothing I can do to change anything as my father and my brother really do seem to hate me. It's just a hard pill to swallow and I know it would break my mother's heart.

Answer
Listen to your husband.  He sounds supportive.  He is your family.  There is nothing you can do.  Your brother is there every day working against you, as you noted filling your father's head with lies.  It probably all has to do with finances.  Yes, it is sad it has all come to this, but you have are loved and have good family supports from your husband (?perhaps others as well?) and you need to focus on them.

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

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Daniel S. Harrop, M.D.

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Dr. Daniel S. Harrop received his B.A. and his M.D., both from Brown, and his M.B.A. from the Edinburgh Business School, Scotland. Board-certified in adult and geriatric psychiatry, he is a past president of the R.I. Psychiatric Society and a member of the Committee on Medical Quality of the American Psychiatric Association and the Committee on Continuing Medical Education of the R.I Medical Society. He serves as a consultant to four of the top five major medical management companies, including OptumHealth/United Healthcare, Magellan Behavioral Health Services, ValueOptions and APS Healthcare, and maintains a private practice in Providence, R.I. He also serves as chief psychiatric consultant on the Medical Advisory Board at the R.I. Workers Compensation Court. He was formerly on the faculty at the medical schools at both Brown University and Harvard University.

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