Psychiatry & Psychology--General/confused

Advertisement


Question
Hello I'm a 51 year old widower of a 25 year marriage my wife passed 5 years ago and now I can't bring myself to commit to another woman because I feel like I would be cheating on my wife even though she is deceased does that make me crazy?!!

Answer
Not sure, so let's see what that does actually make you. I (and I think just about everybody) would say that makes you the following:

sensitive, loyal, faithful, endearing, moral, devoted, decent, loving, caring, principled, responsible, commendable, bereaved, and psychologically attached.

I don't see "crazy" in that list.  

Suggesting what to do now is both harder and unasked for, so allow me to say just this. I'm sure your beloved wife had many fine qualities, including a reciprocated affection for you and a logical mind. If you had asked her, what do you suppose she would want you to do at this stage in your life? Conversely, suppose a decade ago you knew you would die five years hence, and you wanted to advise her on what to do with the rest of her life after losing you. What would you have said to her?

Thanks for asking us James, and I hope my reply will be of both solace and use.

Alan  

Psychiatry & Psychology--General

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Alan Auerbach

Expertise

Taught psychology for 30 years, authored four textbooks. Specialize in introductory and industrial/organizational psychology, but will tackle wider range of areas.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.