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Psychiatry & Psychology--General/Why would a girl be mean to a guy for no reason?


There's this girl in my class who always insults me and teases me with her friends. She makes fun of me every single day. She doesn't make fun of any other guy, just me, and it's getting pretty stinkin' annoying. I tell her to stop, but she doesn't. She once accused me of staring at her when I was actually looking at the lecturer directly beside her. She keeps turning to look at me as if to see if I am staring at her. Today, i asked her why she was so mean to me in front of my friends, and she said that she didn't like me. What the heck??? If you don't like someone, just don't talk to them! Besides, i hardly have any interaction with her? Why would she jsut hate me for no reason??? What do i do?

Answers to your first question:

-If a person is mean, they don't need a reason to act that way.  

-Being mean is a way of lowering the victim -- which is the only way she can raise herself.

-She thinks that her showing that she can run someone down will make her more popular and
respected among her friends.

Your last question:

-Spend some time gathering data until you have a clear pattern in writing. Make notes after she says or does something, with the time, date, and circumstances. Better, get a small voice recorder to document what she says.

-I don't know the situation in your country, but some schools have a policy against bullying, so you might ask a teacher or guidance person if you should report this and if so, where.

-You can tell her that some day both of you will be out in the business world, and you will not forget a single thing that she does or says from now on.

-You can tell her that some of your friends are making a list of the most unpleasant girl in the school, and so far she's the only candidate.

-You could do the unexpected by arranging to spend some time with her as a friend, like walking with her, sharing ice cream, getting to know each other.

-You could grit your teeth and ignore it, waiting until she finds another hobby, or school is over.

-You could show your parents the record of insults and ask for their help. They could, for instance, talk to her parents.

Hope these suggestions are helpful, John. Thanks for asking us and the best of luck with it.


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Alan Auerbach


Taught psychology for 30 years, authored four textbooks. Specialize in introductory and industrial/organizational psychology, but will tackle wider range of areas.

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